


Saturday

by maudah



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), Lashton - Fandom
Genre: BoyxBoy, Gay, Gay Sex, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-04
Updated: 2015-07-04
Packaged: 2018-04-07 15:33:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 32,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4268655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maudah/pseuds/maudah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke's brother has been in a mental hospital for over a year now. Luke has been visiting him every Saturday afternoon since then. He didn't miss a single visit.  </p>
<p>A Saturday that began like the previous is about to change Luke's life when he collides with ayoung new patient named Ashton Irwin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I also didn't feel comfortable being surronded by sick people. It never is pleasant to be around people coughing their lungs out right next to you. You just get scared that you'll catch an illness and that you'll get sick for the rest of your life.

It also broke my heart seeing young children who were stuck to their beds all day long and who would probably never turn 18. They would never get to do all the things kids their age should be doing. They didn't deserve what was happening to them, life can be so unfair.

It breaks your heart seeing all those families bursting out into tears after they learned one of their relatives would die in a matter of months. I've cried multiple times seeing parents cry as doctors announced them bad news about their baby child.

I thought I would never get pass that horrible feeling I had towards any kind of hospitals or health institutions. But sometimes, life decides to change your destiny forever. Like I said, life tends to be very unfair. 

After a little over a year of visiting my older brother, hospitals didn't bother me anymore. I didn't get sick feelings in my stomach anymore. They almost became like a second home.

My name is Luke and I'm eighteen years old. My twenty years old brother is ill. He's been diagnosed with major schizophrenia and depression when he was eighteen years old.

My parents tried to take care of him the best they could, but it became too hard to handle. It broke their hears, but they had to do it for my brother's heath and for their own sanity. I was mad at them when they took their decision, but time made me understand that i was the right thing to do.

They placed in this mental institute for young adults in Sydney called Polar Inc. Since then, I've been visiting him every Saturday afternoon at 1PM. I never missed a single visit. Even when I was sick, I would show up. Even when I got a call from a Doctor telling me it wasn't a good day to visit Ben, I would still show up. I just couldn't abandon my brother when he needed me the most. 

I was basically all he had. My parents visited him the first few weeks after he was admitted in Polar inc. But he was too hard for them, so they stopped visiting him. They would still call him or they would take news from me.

Ben's friends never visited him. Some were scared, some just never heard about what happened to him. Ben also didn't have friends in the institude. He had one friend, Josh. But Josh got better and was sent back home. He never came back to visit Ben, not even once.

I could not be mad at them for not visiting him anymore. Even myself found it hard. There are days where Ben would just be happy, like the Ben I remembered from years ago. You couldn't even tell that he was sick.

But there were days where he would be in major crisis. He would keep saying people wanted to kill him. He would yell, he would punch and he would hurt himself. His crisis could last one hour like they could last for months. 

It is hard for a 18 years old boy to go through this. My family kept telling me that I should quit visiting him every week, that it was only hurting more than actually making me feel good. I guess they were right, but I knew I would feel even worst if I abandonned Ben. I couldn't give up on family. Family must stick together no matter what.

That's why I found myself visiting him for the second time that month. It was Saturday and the clock ticked 1PM. When I entered Ben's room, his face brightened. I knew that he always was happy to see me, even if it didn't always show. 

''You came,'' Ben said.

''I promised you to come back every week, and I'll never break my promise Ben,'' I replied.

There never was much to do when I visited him. Sometimes, we would just talk for hours until I had to leave. I sometimes brought some board games and music. Ben and music always made one. 

''Anything new? How are you feeling today?'' I asked. 

''Nothing, same thing every week. Oh, there is this new nurse,Nancy. She took Trish's place since she was pregnant. I miss Trish, Nancy is kind of an asshole. She is an ugly bitch while Trish was kind of sexy,'' Ben replied angrily. 

That was another thing about Ben's state. His vocabulary wasn't what you called sweet and nice. That was nothing to do with the things he said when he was in crisis. But you can't argue with Ben, you just have to be nice with him and use nice words.

''I'm sure she's not that bad,'' I replied calmly. He always used to calm down when I speak calm to him, but this time was different.

''You don't know her, Luke. I'm telling you she is a fat ugly bitch who probably never had sex in her whole life. And she's like 50 years old. I hate her,'' Ben said harshly.

His words were like sharp tiny knives. It was the same thing week after week, but I got used to it. I could not do much about it even if I wanted to.

I didn't reply. I just grabbed one of his hands and caressed it until he was calm again. He appreciated my touch. In fact, I've always been the only who could touch him without him getting mad. He wasn't exactly a gift for the nurses and Doctors.

Once I felt he was calm, I spoke again.

''Do you want to listen to some music? I brought some All Time Low and Blink-182,'' I proposed.

''Do you have Put up or Shut up from ATL?'' Ben asked.

''Of course,'' I replied. ''I know it is your favorite.''

I stood up from his bed and put the CD in the small radio on his desk. I turned up the volume, not too loud because it would disturb everybody. 

As Coffee Shop Soundtrack started, Ben already had a massive smile on his face and was singing along to it. Music was his wasteland, it always has been. I loved seeing him that way: happy and himself.

I sang along with him and that's what we did until we were interrupted by a young boy who didn't look a day older than twenty.

''Hey Ben, I heard music. Good music taste dude!'' The young boy with dirty blonde curly hair said.

''Oh hey Ash! Yeah, my brother Luke here brought it for me,'' Ben replied.

''Oh so that's your brother Luke, he's cute,'' The young boy said as if I wasn't even in the room. He also was cute, but I would not tell. 

''Yeah, he's my brother after all,'' Ben said, punching my shoulder a little bit too roughly. ''Did you need anything? If not can you leave.''

''Eum, I just wanted to ask if you wanted to hang out with me, but since your brother is here, I'll talk to you later. Bye Ben! Eum, bye Luke!'' The young boy said happily before leaving the room.

Who was that young boy? It was the first time I saw him around there. Polar Inc. wasn't the biggest hospital, so I got to know most of the patients here. And that guy, I've never seen him before.

''Who was that?'' I asked my brother.

''Oh that was Ashton. A friend, I guess. He can be freaking annoying but he is cool. He got admitted a few days ago for bulimia and depression, something like that. I don't really care honnestly,'' Ben answered.

Ashton, interesting name.

''He doesn't seem depressed,'' I pointed out.

''Medication can work magic. Anyway, you seem pretty interested in him. I'm pretty sure you just want to suck his-,'' Ben said.

''Stop that, Ben,'' I cut him off. ''This isn't funny.''

''Well, I think it is,'' Ben said laughing.

''I'm going to go now okay? I'll see you next week okay?'' I asked.

''Already? Eum, okay. Can I keep the CD, please?'' He answered.

''Yeah, I'll ask the nurse at the front desk,'' I replied. ''Take care okay? I love you.''

''I love you too Luke, thanks for coming,'' he said back.

I gave Ben one last hug and headed to the front desk. The nurse first didn't agree to let Ben keep the album, but she agreed after I insisted too much. I didn't see how a CD could be a danger for Ben. It wasn't a gun, it was just an album of his favorite band.

''See you next week, Mr Hemmings,'' she said.

''See you, Ms Lang,'' I replied smiling.

I was happy that Ben finally made a friend. Maybe it would help him get better. I remembered how great he felt when he hang with Josh. Maybe that Ashton guy would make him feel better. 

I couldn't tell why, but I was intrigued by Ashton. He caught my attention with his curly hair and his cute smile. I wanted to know more about him and I intented to do it when I would visit my brother the next Saturday.


	2. Chapter 2

Ashton's P.O.V.

Everybody has their own lifestory. Some have great ones. They have those personnal stories filled with many adventures and new beginnings. Life always seem to be good to them.

On the other hand, many people in the world have boring and sad stories. They don't do much with their lives and pretty much fail at everything they wish they could accomplish.

I fit in the second category. I'm Ashton Irwin, I'm an 18 years old guy. I'm from Australia and I have one brother and one sister. I have dirty blonde curly hair and hazel brown eyes. You could say I'm the typical young adult guy. That's where you're wrong.

I hate my life. I have always hated everything about. There's nothing to enjoy about it. It all started when I was just a baby. My dad abandonned the whole family, I've never known him properly. It sucks to know that someone already doesn't want anything to do with you when all you can do is cry, poop and drink milk.

My childhood wasn't pleasant. I've always had different tastes than other guys my age. While they would talk about the Ninja Turtles or any other superheroes, I would prefer talking about girl stuff. I prefered playing with Barbie's and other stuff labeled as girl toys than playing with boy toys.

I invited a friend home once. When he saw my toys, he laughed at me and pratically told everyone in my grade. That's where bullying first started. I was only 8 years old. People called me ''Girlboy'' and they didn't want to hang with me. The few friends I had didn't want to be seen around me anymore.

Kids can be cruel, more than anyone else. Everybody that says otherwise is a liar and doesn't know what they're talking about. At the age of 10, I already had suicide thoughts. I was just a young kid, and I wanted to die. When I should have been playing with my friends, I was crying wishing I could disappear.

My family didn't do much about it. My older brother only cared about himself and didn't want to be seen hanging with his little brother. My little sister was just too young to understand. Even if she had been older, I wouldn't have wanted her to stand up for me. It would have been too dangerous for her.

As for the person who gave birth to me, she never said a thing about it. I couldn't call her my mother. She never cared about me. In fact, she would also make fun of me saying she should change my name to Amanda since I was more a girl than a boy. 

High school wasn't better than elementary school. It was worst. I entered this big school with no friends at all. I was on my own. People didn't like me because I was different. So bullying continued, only more violent. I got pushed into lockers, got beaten up by the popular kids, got food thrown at me, etc. 

It didn't help that I was gay. I kind of always knew I was, but I never came out to anyone. Well, not by myself. There was this one guy on the football team that I fantasize about when I was 14, Josh. I thought he was the most attractive person on Earth.

One night, my brother caught me pleasuring myself as I was moaning Josh's name. It turned out that Josh was one of his friends. He told him and in an hour, all the school knew I was gay. That only made people hating me even more than they already did. High school was my living hell that I could not escape.

I became depressed. I started to cut every single part of my body that I could hide with clothes. Nobody ever knew about it, not my mom, not my sister, not my brother. Almost every night after school, I would lock myself in my bathroom and make myself bleed.

The thoughts of killing myself were getting worst as days went by, until a boy came into my life in Senior Year. I have gone years being by myself, being punched and more. For the first time in forever, I had someone to count on. 

It turned out that he was gay as well. He wanted it to be a secret, because he was too scared of the consequences it would have if he came out of the closet. I couldn't blame him.

His name was Calum. He was a new student and was also a Senior. Since we both were gay loners, we started to hang out together and we rapidly became good friends. I would tell him everything and he would do the same.

Calum was the most important person in the world to me. He was my reason to keep fighting. I rapidly developped feelings for him. A few days before Chritsmas, I told him how I felt towards him. Luckily, he felt the same.

So we started dating in secret. Showing the world he was a problem wouldn't have been a problem for me since the whole school already knew I loved boys. But it wasn't his case, and I respected his decision. I was just glad he was mine.

Everything was going for the best. Calum would stand up for me everytime some jerks were bullying me. We would spend all our weekends together since we couldn't hang out after school. It was our moments where we could cuddle, kiss and watch cute movies together. 

I could see my future with Calum. I could see ourselves going to College together where we wouldn't have to hide our relationship anymore. I could see ourselves leaving together. I wanted to spend my life with him.

But good things never last. There was one night where Calum and I wanted to take another step into our relationship. I was ready. He had been for a while since I wasn't his first, but he waited for me to be ready. 

When we were both naked in bed, what I thought would be a sweet and intimate moment turned into an humiliation. His words will never leave my mind:

Poor Ashton, you really thought I liked you? You're so naive. I have never liked you. All I wanted was to mess with you. Who could love you Ash? You're so pathetic. Nobody loves a guy that cuts. Nobody loves a fat guy like you. You're annoying, ugly and useless.

I learned a few days later that he got paid by the richest popular kid to mess up with me. Someone actually gave him money to break my heart and my whole self. What have I ever done to deserve all of this? All I ever wanted was try to fit in, was it just too much to askf for?

I fell into a bigger depression. I would cut even more. After all, I was just an ugly useless guy who should not live.

On top of that, I became bullimic. I was a big pile of fat. Calum's words made me realize it. He was right when he said that nobody would want someone like me. After he humiliated me, I barely ate. And when I did, I would feel guilty and make myself throw up. I didn't need a single gram of fat in my already big body.

On what seemed to be a typical Tuesday, my destiny changed. That day was the straw that broke the camel's back. Not only did I get punched and verbally abused, I also got thrown in a trashcan and locked in a locker.

My mind was made up when I came back home that night. I would never go back to school. In fact, I knew there would be no tomorrow. I didn't want to live anymore. And that time, I meant it.

I cut myself deeply all over my arms and wrists. There was blood everywhere. I knew it wouldn't take time until I would be dead. Nobody would find me. I knew I soon would be gone for a better place: heaven.

Unfortunately, I never reached heaven. I woke up in a small room with white walls. It hit me and I realized that I was still alive. I failed at doing the easiest thing in the world. I failed at taking my own life away.

The nurse explained to me where I was and why I was here. I have been admitted in Polar Inc., a mental institute in Sydney for young adults. I have been admitted for depression, suicidal thoughts and bullimia. 

I couldn't tell how long I would be stuck in there. But maybe being away from everything would do me good. Maybe they would help me getting better. Maybe they would make me want to fight.

On the other hand, I didn't want to live. Nothing said that I couldn't attempt again when I would get out of there. And that time, I wouldn't fail.


	3. Chapter 3

Luke's P.O.V.

Each Saturday of each month, there was a special therapy session where the patients were asked to have someone who knows them well by their side. Just like usual, I was by Ben's side. I didn't feel forced to be there, I wanted to be. I wanted to be there for him.

We were around 20 persons sat in circle in the familiar room where group thereapy was held. Every one had someone by their side wheter it was their mom, their dad, their brother, their sister, their friend. Everybody had a special someone by their side, but one. 

Ashton, the guy I met the previous week, was on his own. He had nobody next to him. Maybe he didn't know he had to bring someone since was new in the institute. I felt kind of sad seeing everyone had mental support but him. Dr.Mullins didn't seem to be happy about this situation as he took place in the circle.

''Mr. Irwin, care to ask why nobody's here with you today?'' Dr.Mullins asked.

''Nobody could make it. Well, more like nobody cared enough about me to show up,'' Ashton replied sadly.

''I'm sure that's not true, are you sure you contacted them?'' Dr. Mullins wondered.

''I'm telling you the truth okay? You don't me, you don't know my story. I'm telling you, nobody cares about me,'' Ashton answered harshly.

''Okay, we'll discuss more about this after the session,'' Dr.Mullins said sadly.

All I wanted to do was seat on the chair next to Ashton. I wanted to hug and make him feel like he wasn't alone because nobody should feel that way. I didn't understand how his family could abandon him like that. How could they just abandon their son like that? It pissed me off more than anything.

''Okay guys, thanks for coming and welcome to our monthly group therapy. For those who don't know me, I'm Dr.Mullins. Today, we'll focus on qualities and goals. So, I'm going to ask each relatives and friends to tell us two qualities about the patient they're here for along with one goal they wish they could accomplish,'' Dr. Mullins explained.

So one by one, the relatives told qualities about the patients. The qualities that came out the most were courageous, persevering and funny. You could see that all the relatives cared about their loved ones. It then was my turn to speak.

''So hello, my name is Luke. I'm Ben's younger brother. Eum, I think Ben is an artistic guy. He never fails to amaze me with his drawing and musical skills. You guys should see the portrait he did of me a few weeks ago, it's awesome. I'm not being very original here, but Ben is very persevering. He's a fighter and I'm very proud of him. I'm proud to call him my brother. One thing I wish he could accomplish is to control more the things he say. It sometimes can be really funny, but it can be too much other times,'' I said.

Ben gave me a warm smile and I smiled back. I truly was proud to be his little brother even though it wasn't always easy to be around him. I knew I would love him until the end, because family is stronger than anything.

''Thanks Luke,'' Dr. Mullins said. ''Well, that leaves us to you, Ashton. Since nobody is here with you today, I'm going to ask you to answer the questions by yourself.''

''There's nothing good about me,'' Ashton replied sadly. 

''Don't say that, there sure are things you love about yourself,'' Dr.Mullins insisted.

''Stop insisting. I know there is nothing good about me. I'm just a bullimic depressed 18 years old guy who tried to kill himself and who can't wait to attempt again once he gets out of this place,'' Ashton said sadly.

It was painful to hear his words. It was painful to see someone my age hating himself that much. It hurt to hear him say the only thing he wanted was to die. I didn't know much about him, but I found myself care about him. I couldn't just sit there and do nothing.

''Well, I think you're a very brave guy. I don't know what you've been through, but you're brave for going through all of this. You're brave to sit in this room and tell your true feelings. I admire that. Don't say there's nothing good about you. You're a beautiful young adult who has issues, but you have qualities. You deserve to be here, you just need to fight until you win the battle,'' I said. 

I stood up from my seat so I could take the one next to Ashton. I took him in a hug and he hugged back crying. So I just held him tighter.

''Y-You really meant that?'' He wondered sadly.

''Of course, Ashton,'' I replied.

''Thank y-you,'' he whispered.

Everybody was watching us as we hugged and nobody was speaking. It felt kind of akward but I didn't mind. All I wanted to do was to make Ashton feel better about himself and show him that he wasn't alone, that I was there for him. Ashton pulled from the hug a few minutes later when he was done crying. 

''Those were really nice words, Luke. Thank you,'' Dr.Mullins said.

''It's a pleasure, I meant every single one of them,'' I replied.

So I spent the rest of the session by Ashton's side so he would feel like he wasn't alone. Ben seemed annoyed, but I knew he would understand. He just hated when I gave my attention to someone else when he was in the room. But at the moment, Ashton needed me more than Ben.

Ben didn't have to worry about having visitors. He knew I would show up every week like I did for over a year. I couldn't say the same about Ashton. By the way he spoke, I doubted that his family visited him after he was admitted in Polar Inc. Nobody should be alone, mostly in Ashton's situation where he needed support.

I remembered the first weeks after my brother was admitted in the institute. They were rough weeks for him. His situation was already difficult, he now had to live with loneliness. He didn't have his family around him all the time anymore. I remembered how much he would cry the first times I visited him. 

Ashton has only been in the institute for two weeks. The first two weeks were the hardest for Ben, so I understood how painful it must have been for Ashton to have nobody. He tried to kill himself after all, he needed to know people cared. 

When therapy finally ended, everybody stood up and said their goodbyes, but Ashton. He remained on his seat so I decided that I would hang with him a little. 

''Want to hang out a little Luke? Visits' hours are not over yet,'' Ben said.

''Eum, sure. I'll meet you in your room in five minutes,'' I replied.

Ben smiled and left the room, leaving Ashton and I alone.

''You don't have to stay,'' Ashton said. ''I'm used to be alone.''

''I want to stay. I didn't introduce myself properly yet,'' I replied. ''As you know, I'm Luke. I'm 18 and I've been visiting my brother in here for a year. I play the guitar and I sing.''

''Eum, I'm Ashton. I'm also 18. Eum...'' Ashton said.

''You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to,'' I assured him.

''Thank you,'' he replied.

''You're welcome,'' I said smiling. 

Ashton looked so sad. I wished I could put a smile back on his face. I remembered the smile he gave me the previous week when he said I was cute. Was he just wearing an happiness mask? 

''You look older than 18,'' Ashton mentionned.

''Yeah, people keep telling me that,'' I replied laughing. 

''I-I know you should be with your brother and I don't want to annoy you...but I really feel like letting everything out. You're the first to actually care about since I got in here...'' Ashton said nervously.

''Sure, tell me anything you want, Ashton,'' I replied.

''Why is life s-so unfair?'' he asked sadly. ''Why does life seem to be so easy for the majority while it is horrible for some people like me? My whole life is a mess. All I-I do never seems to be good enough. I'm just a big failure everybody hates. Everybody wishes I was different. People wish I wasn't gay. They wish I was a joyful guy who does sport and enjoys life. But that isn't me. Nobody understands me, Luke. It j-just hurt to always be a loser in the eyes of my family. I don't have friends, nobody wants to h-hang with me because I'm a fat ugly gay loser who cuts and who makes himself throw up''

''I know life is unfair Ash. You don't deserve any of this. I know this won't make things better, but I think you're perfect just the way you are. It doesn't matter if you're gay or not, that you do sports or not...you're just beautiful you. I know the critics must hurt, but you need to try to ignore them. I know, it's easier said than done, but you need to try. You need to try to focus on the positive comments and forget about the bad ones that will only bring you down,'' I replied.

''Nobody ever tells me nice things, how could I focus on them when nobody sees good in me? How can I focus on compliments when all I hear are critics and insults?'' Ashton wondered.

''Focus on my words. First of all, like I said in therapy, you're a brave guy. Just keep fighting, you can win your battle. I also think that you're a great looking guy. As a gay guy myself, I think you have pretty eyes and nice curly hair that looks so soft. I also think that you have the cutest smile I've ever seen. Finally, you're worth it. You may not believe it, but you are worth it,'' I answered, making Ashton cry.

''You're so s-sweet Luke, t-thanks,'' Ashton said.

''I'm only speaking the truth,'' I replied.

I took him in my arms once again. I hoped that he believed the words I said. I hoped that one day, he would realize that he's a great person with beautiful qualities and features. I hoped he would stop hurting and that he would find happiness.

''I have an idea!'' I exclaimed.

''What is it?'' He wondered.

''Well, I visit my brother every Saturday. What if I started to show up earlier so I could spend some time with you before I hang with Ben? I would love spending some time with you. Would you like that?'' I proposed.

''You would do this for me? He wondered happily.

''Of course Ashton,'' I answered smiling. I lightly kissed his temple to give him a little more affection.

''I would love that, so much. I feel so lonely in here. T-Thanks for caring, Luke,'' he said.

''I'll talk with the nurses and see if they can add me on your visitors' list. For now, I'm going to go hang with Ben. He must be getting very impatient. But I'll see you next Saturday okay?'' I said.

''Sure, eum, see you next week,'' he replied nervously. 

We stood up from our seats and hugged one last time before we went seperate ways. As I walked to Ben's room, I couldn't stop thinking about Ashton and how I wanted to make him feel better. I wanted to be the one to bring back a smile on his lovely face. I wanted to be the one to make him laugh. I wanted to be there for him. I wanted things to get better for him.

I barely knew him, but I found myself caring as much as I cared about Ben. He needed someone and I wanted to be this someone. I didn't want him to be alone anymore, and I was going to make sure he wouldn't be.


	4. Chapter 4

I always was excited and happy to spend the day with my brother. All week, I would impatiently wait for Saturday to show up so I could spend part of the afternoon at the institute and see him. That week, I found myself being even more exicted as usual. There were two persons I was going to hang with on that special Saturday. Not only was I going to see Ben; I was also going to see Ashton, the guy I've met a few weeks before. 

I didn't know why, but I found myself being very interested in Ashton. I found myself wanting to take away all of his pain and make him feel better the best that I could. I didn't like the idea of him being lonely, rejected and sad. I wanted him to be happy and to have a bright future. But for now, he needed someone to talk to, someone to hold on to. I wanted to be that person.

That's why I got to Polar Inc. at 11am instead of 1pm. I would usually show up at 1PM and hang with Ben for a few hours. This time was different. Just like I had promised Ashton the previous week, I was going to spend a few hours with him before my usual rendez-vous with my dearest brother. I could visit anytime that I wanted to. After they got Ashton's permission, the nurses added me to his visitors' list along with his mother who never dared to show up. Plus, the staff trusted me enough since I had been a regular visitor for months. 

I hoped that I didn't pressure Ashton in letting me visit him on every Saturday of each week. I didn't want him to hang with me if he didn't want to. I didn't want to be forced to spend time with someone he didn't want to be near by. I only wanted to make him happy by spending some quality time together. I wanted to spend more time with him and I hoped he felt the same. 

My fears faded away when I got to his room. When he saw me in the doorframe, his face brightened up. He was wearing the most beautiful smile, just like the one that he gave me the first time that we met in Ben's room. Ashton's smile could have lighten up the whole room by itself. It was very powerful and I wanted to see that smile more often.

Ashton stood up from his bed and walked to me before hugging me tightly. He was craving for comfort and I sure was going to give him some. He wrapped his arms around me, and I did the same. He was so small and delicate that I was afraid to break him. I could tell he felt safe in my arms and the thought made me much happier than I already was.

"You came, you actually came!" Ashton said happily.

"Of course I did. I'm not the type of guy who breaks his promises. I keep them. Plus, I want to hang out with you because you seem to be a nice guy," I replied.

"You barely know me though," Ashton said.

"Maybe I don't, but that why I'm here for. I'm here today so we can get to know each other a little more, well if you want to of course," I said.

Why did I want to know so much about him? I couldn't tell. There just was something about him that made me want to be around him. There was something about Ashton that was attracting me, but I couldn't put my finger on it. 

"Well, yeah, I guess I'd like that. There's not much to know about me though, but yeah. Let's get to know each other," Ashton replied.

"I'm pretty sure there are many interesting things about you Ashton and I can't wait to discover every single one of them, one by one," I replied.

Ashton just looked at me smiling. It seemed like he was looking at an alien or a zombie. Maybe I had something on my face. I was confused. Why was he looking at me like that? Did I say something wrong? And then, I understood why he gave me that look.

"Oh, it sounded a little subjective and sexual didn't it?" I wondered. "I didn't mean it that way, I'm sorry for the confusion, really oh my god."

"A little yeah haha, it's okay though, don't worry. I've heard worst," he replied smiling. How I wished he could be smiling all the time.

We both sat on his bed facing each other. The more I looked at him, the more I realized he was actually quite handsome and adorable. He was just a boy like me who just wanted to live and be happy, in the end. How could people want to hurt a guy like Ashton when he actually looked like a sweetheart? It just didn't make sense to me.

"So... How was your week?" I asked.

"Two words: long and boring. It's always the same thing every day. It's always the same stupid routine and I'm already sick of it. I don't feel comfortable in here. Yeah, the staff is nice, but I hate that they pretend to know what's best for me. I mean, they don't know me. I just feel misunderstood all the time and it sucks. Plus, I can't make any friends. I can't seem to fit in here, or anywhere else in this world. I had your brother by my side when I first was admitted. But now, he's pissed at me and I don't even know why. Finally, they're forcing me to eat three meals a day and I hate it. How am I supposed to get skinny and get rid of all that fat if they make me eat their nasty food? So yeah, boring week. My only motivation this week that helped me go through the days was the hopes of seeing you again today because you seem to be the only person in this big world who doesn't judge me. How about you? How was your week out there in the real world?" Ashton answered.

I felt a strange but good feeling in my stomach when Ashton said I was the person who motivated him this week. I loved that I could make him feel better. I loved that I could have an impact on his life. I also felt sad when he indirectly called himself fat, but I knew that he would not want me to tell him that he wasn't. Nurses only took care of that. My goal was to make him happier, not pressure him.

"Well, I hope that next week will be better for you. As for me, I had a pretty normal week. I went to school, I did some homework because I'm pretty studious, I jammed with my friends and now, here I am, spending time with my favorite curly haired guy," I replied.

"And you're my favorite blonde guy. Serioulsy, I'll never be able to thank you enough for showing up today. It means a lot to me that some guy I barely know cares enough about me to allow me some of his precious time that he could spend doing much funnier stuff. It's really nice to have someone to talk to for the first time in forever," Ashton mentionned.

"The pleasure is mine, Ashton. I'm happy to be here as well. So, how about we play 21 questions? It just a little to help us get to know each other better? You know, like the best buds that we are and will become!" I proposed.

"Yeah sure, sounds fun," he agreed.

So that's how we spent the rest of the time we had togheter, just asking each other random questions. By the end of the game, I knew much more about him and I felt much closer to him. I felt like this was the beginning of a great friendship.

I learned that Ashton could play the drums. I knew that guy had secret talents. I hoped that we would have the occasion to jam together once he would get out of the institute. I could sing and play the guitar while he could play the drums. Even though he said he wasn't that good, I was convinced that he was excellent. 

I also learned that his favorite colour was blue, just like me, and that his favorite meal was lasagna. He told me that he was scared of snakes and spiders. I also found out that he had a great musical taste, his favorite bands being All Time Low, You Me At Six and Nirvana. Finally, I learned that his favorite pizza topping was mushroom and that he hated pepperoni. How could he hate pepperoni when it tastes like life?

I felt kind of sad when I saw it was almost 1 o'clock. I wanted to spend more time with Ashton, I would have spent the entire afternoon with him if I could, but it wasn't possible. Ben was waiting for me and I didn't want to let him down. Je needed me.

I didn't want to make him wait either. He got mad at me the previous week for stanging up for Ashton during therapy and for spending most if it with him. He was absolutely jealous of Ashton and that explained why he wouldn't talk to Ashton anymore. He didn't know what he was misssing though.

"I don't want you to go," Ashton said as we shared a goodbye hug.

"I need to, Ben needs me. But I'll be back next week okay Ash? Same time, same place. I promise," I replied.

"You don't have to come back if you don't want to," he said sadly.

"Hey, don't be sad Ash, of course I want to come back and spend more time with you. I had fun today and that is what friends are there for," I assured him.

"Friends?" He wondered.

"Yup, friends. For now on, consider me as a friend who won't let you down and who'll be there for you,'' I answered.

"Friends, I love that word. I've been starving for friend for as long as I can remember. It feels good to finally have one. Thanks Lukey," he replied smiling. His beautiful smile; I wanted more. I needed more.

"I'll see you next week, Ash! Until then, hold on. You're a warrior, you can do it. If you ever need to talk to someone during the week, ask the staff for my number and give me a call, okay?" I said happily.

"Okay Lukey! Again, thanks for everything. I can't wait to see you next week. Bye!" he replied.

''Bye Bye!'' I said.

Yeah, we even gave each other's nicknames. He would call me Lukey and I would call him Ash. I first wanted to call him Ashy but he warned me to never call him that ever again because it was an horrible and ugly nickname.

When I met my brother in his room, he was pissed off because he learned that I was with Ashton. I wanted to hide it from him because I knew he wouldn't be happy about that. I guess my plan backfired me. I usually had fun visiting my brother, but that time, I didn't have any. I loved my brother, but he sometimes went way too far.

Ben would keep saying bad stuff about Ashton. He probably didn't mean them, Ben had that bad habit to say nasty stuff about people whenever he got mad. He once called our mother a nasty lesbian bitch and our father an ugly pedophile full of shit. Yeah, my brother could get prett mean.

The thing he told me that shocked me the most was when he said that a guy like him didn't deserve any form of attention or caring. But he was wrong.

It's crazy how much I could care about Ashton after such a small amount of time spent together. We only had seen each other thrice a d talked properly twice. And I was going to make sure that those numbers would get bigger and bigger. And I knew that I would find myself caring even more about Ashton with time. And that wasn't a problem to me. In fact, I couldn't wait for it to happen.


	5. Chapter 5

Ashton called me thrice that week for different reasons. The first time, he simply called me because he was bored and wanted someone to talk to before he had to go to therapy. We mostly talked about music and how certain bands are awesome. We discussed about the best show that we've even been. Ashton's was You Me At Six and mine was All Time Low.

I loved that we shared pretty simliar tastes, I could make him my new show partner once he would be out of Polar Inc. The thought of going to an All Time Low show together made me smile. I imagined ourselves front row, fangirling over them.

When he called me the second time, I thought he was just bored again and that we would talk about some random stuff again. That was not the case. When I picked up my phone, I heard Ashton crying. It broke my heart a little, a lot should I say. Ashton told me the whole story where he got caught making himself throw up after breakfast.

He told me how one of the nurses seemed pretty disappointed in him and how she gave him that big speech on how unhealthy what he did was. I would have punched her, that wasn't a good way to make Ashton feel better. He didn't need to feel even worst about himself. He also told me how he was now on intensive watch. After each meal, he would have a nurse following around the institute to make sure he didn't make himself throw up again. Ashton told me how he felt like he was being treated like a child and how he hated it.

I wished I could have been there for him, to comfort him and to tell him that things were going to be okay. I wanted to go see him, but I couldn't since I had school and that visits ended at the same time as my last class. I wanted to hug Ashton. It seemed like nobody else truly understood him the thought made me sad. At least we could talk on the phone until we would see each other again. That was better than nothing.

The third time he called me, he was once again crying. He just said how he hated being in there and how he wished he was dead. His words hurt like knives. I didn't like hearing him say that he wanted to be dead. He was young, he should have been enjoying life, not wanting to end it. So for ours, I tried to disctract him by telling him some jokes. I got a few laughs from him and that was all I was asking for. Talking to me made him feel better and he was excited that we would finally see each other again the next day.

It was Saturday, my favorite day of the week. At 11am sharp, I was standing at Ashton's door. He was in his bed, reading. He was so capitvated into whatever he was reading that he didn't even see me coming into his room. The way he was so focused on his book made him even cuter than usual. Did I ever mention that Ashton was cute?

''Hey Ash,'' I said happily.

''Lukey! You're here,'' Ashton replied smiling. ''I'm very happy that you're finally here.''

He put his book away and tapped on his bed, wanting me to seat next to him. So I did. It felt good to finally be here. I had the urge to hug him, so I did. Ashton was the best hugger in the whole world.

''How are you today?'' I asked.

''Better now that you're here. The whole week as actually been total hell, like you already know. I'm sorry for calling you thrice this week, I just really needed to talk to someone and you're actually the only I want to talk to. I hope that I didn't disturb you too much and that you didn't find me annoying or anything,'' Ashton answered.

''Well, I'm glad that you're feeling good. Happy Ashton is my favorite Ashton. And seriously Ash, you can call me whenever you want, whatever the time or day. I'm your friend and I'm here for you. I love talking to you and you're not annoying at all,'' I assured him.

It was the complete the truth. I loved talking to Ashton. He could have called me at 2 in the morning that I would have picked up my phone. I think that what I enjoyed the most was that he trusted me enough to tell me all about his fears, his sorrows and his joys. I felt wanted and appreciated and that was a good feeling. It was nice knowing that I had such a special place in Ashton's life. And he also had one in mine.

''There's a question I wanted to ask you last week when he played that game but I didn't have time to ask it,'' Ashton said smiling. If his smile was the last image I would see before dying, it would be a perfect death.

''Sure, go ahead,'' I replied.

''What's your most embarassing moment?'' Ashton asked happily.

''Oh, you sure you want to knoe?'' I answered laughing.

''Yup. Come on Lukey, please!'' He begged.

''Okay so eum. A few years ago, I was in my history class. It was so boring. We were talking about how different products were traded, nothing that I really cared about. So, I kind of fell asleep in the middle of the class. I was awoken by this loud noise. I was so scared that I actually peed in my pants in front of everyone. I was so embarassed, I just wanted to hide in a hole and never come out of it. I had to spend the rest of the day wearing old and diry sweat pants and people laughed at me for an entire week,'' I explained.

Ashton was laughing loudly. I didn't think that my story would make him laugh that much, but it did. He had the cutest laugh in the history of cute laughs. Everything about him was simple adorable. Ashton Adorable Irwin.

''Hey, stop laughing at my misery,'' I said, trying to look angry but completely failed.

''Sorry, this is just too hilarious,'' Ashton replied smiling.

''Well, since you got to ask me one more question, I get to ask you another one,'' I pointed out. There was one thing I wanted to know about Ashton. That was my chance.

'' It sure sounds fair to me, go ahead,'' he replied.

''If you could be granted three wishes, what would they be and why?'' I asked.

''Man, that's a hard one. Eum, first I think I would wish to go to Canada. I have always wanted to go to Canada, it seems to be a pretty nice country with the snow. And I heard that maple syrups was one of the greatest invention of God. I would use my second wish to be taller. It sometimes suck to be the tiny guy. It has way more perks than avantages. And eum, finally, I would use my third wish to get out of here just because,'' Ashton answered.

''Yeah, Canada sure sounds like a nice country. I don't think I would go there though, I hate cold weather and snow. But I'm not against tasting some maple syrup, you'll just have to bring some back for me. And, I think that being short makes you cute. You wouldn't be you if you were taller. Finally, I understand that you hate it in here and I can't blame you. I've heard my brother complain about this place since he first got admitted. But you need to hold on Ash, you need to be strong. And one day, you'll get out of this place. One day things will get better, I promise,'' I replied.

''I just feel like I'm not strong enough, I just want to give up. A part of me wants to get better, but another part of me doesn't. I don't know which side of me will win and it's kind of killing me alive,'' Ashton explained sadly.

''Try to focus on the side of you that wants to get better. I know that deep inside of you, that's what you really want. That is what I want for you. I want you to get better, I want you to enjoy life and be happy. You deserves what's best Ash,'' I replied, taking him in a hug.

It's crazy how his emotions could switch rapidly. He was so happy and then, in a blink of an eye, he was all sad. I was there for him, in the lows and ups. If I couldn't handle him in his worst, I didn't deserve him at his best. No matter how sad and depressed Ashton was feeling, I would still care enormoulsy.

''You always know what to say to make me feel better Lukey. How I wish he could have met years ago, where I would have needed you the most. At least you're here now, thank you,'' Ashton said.

''I wish we could have met before as well. But I'm here and I'm not going anywhere because you're my friend and I care about you. We still have many years in front of us. Imagine us when we will be 80 years old, playing Bingo in our nursing home,'' I replied smiling.

''Oh my yes, and drinking coffee while we would remember our best memories together. Yeah, I totally can see that happen,'' Ashton replied.

We then discussed about how he wanted our futures to be. Ashton said the he just wanted to be happy. He wished that he would meet a guy that would love him for him and that would respect him. That boy would be to lucky to have a guy like Ashton in his life. Finally, he said that he would like to travel the world because traveling is one of his passions. He would love to discover different cultures and see the beauties of the world.

As for me, I told Ashton that, just like him, I would also love to meet the love of my life. I always wanted to have my own little family, with a loving husband and some adorable kids. I also told him about my secret dream to persue a musical career. I told him how I'd like to start a solo career and win my life with my music. Ashton said he would the first one to buy tickets to my first show and that he would be my biggest fan. It was nice to have his support. When I told my parents about that dream, they just laughed and said that I should stick to what I do best: study.

Ashton also talked to me about how he would love to leave an heritage. He didn't want to live just to be forgotten after his death, he wanted to have an impact, do something meaningful wheter it was discovering new flora or finding a cure to some illness. I loved how he had such beautiful goals, I admired him for that.

When the clock indicated it was time for me to leave, I was sad. I knew I would see him the next week, but I didn't want to go. I was going to miss him. It's crazy how I could care about him and how much he always was on my mind. It's crazy how I thought he was one of the greatest boy I have ever met. It's crazy how I thought he was aboslutely beautiful, in the inside and on the outside.

When he shared one last hug before I had to go meet my brother. Time just passed so quickly, it always happen when you're with someone you appreciate a lot. On the phone or face to face, time always went by so fast because of Ashton.

When I left his room and he gave me one last gorgeous smile, it all made sense to me. I understood why I cared so much about Ashton. I understood why I couldn't stop thinking about him and how I couldn't help but think he was adorable. I understood why I wanted to spend more time with him and just hug him forever. I only had one explaination. I had a legitimate crush on Ashton Irwin. And I liked it.


	6. Chapter 6

One month went by and it still was the same great routine. I would still visit my two favorite patients of Polar Inc. every Saturday and hang out with them for hours. Many things happened in a month.

My brother Ben had a huge crisis episode. He became violent with a nurse and he was transfered into intensive care where he was constantly supervise by nurses and therapists. He was certain that the nurse he attacked wanted to kill him and that only wanted to hurt him. He was transfered until he calmed down. Fortunately, he was allowded to go back to him room a few days later.

The news affected me a lot. It always made me feel sad to see that things weren't getting any better for Ben. I see many patients doing progress, but it wasn't Ben's case. Things are not progressing. I even thought that they were getting worst. I was scared that he would be stuck in that institute for a major part of his life, maybe all of it. I just wanted him to feel better and go back to a normal life. I wanted him to be happy. I would always be there for him, no matter what.

As for Ashton, things seemed to be going for the best. As far as I knew, he didn't have any other urges to make himself throw up. He told me that it was really hard to control himself but that he was motivated to get back on track. He had one thing that was motivating him, but he wouldn't tell me what it was. He was becoming happier as weeks went by and it really made me feel good. I believed that he would soon get out of this place.

Ashton and I were now very close friends. I knew everything about him, and he knew everything about me. I just enjoyed being around him and spending time with him. Plus, I could not stop thinking about him. He always was on my mind. Every night after I came back from school, I was hoping that he would call me and that we would talk for hours. 

My crush on Ashton did not fade away during that month, it just got bigger and bigger as days went by. I was getting more emotionally attached to him whenever I would talk to him on the phone or whenever I would visit him. Visiting him was quickly becoming my favorite activity of the week and hearing his voice was turning to be the ray of sunshine of my days. I had fallen for Ashton. 

How couldn't I fall for Ashton? Even though he had some major issues, he was perfect to me. I loved everything about him. He simply had an amazing personnality: respectuous, funny, sincere, honnest...the list could go on and on. Plus, he was handsome. I loved every feature about him: his curly dirty blonde hair, his gorgeous smile, his dimples, his eyes...everything.

I wanted to tell him how I felt, but I was scared. I was afraid that Ashton would not like me back and that it would ruin our great and strong friendship that we had. But, I could not help myself but think that he felt the same way about me. Maybe I was wrong, but I could feel that he also liked me more than a simple friend. I had to take the risk, it was worth it.

So, since I have always been very bad at expressing my feelings when it comes to love, I decided to write a long letter to Ashton in which I told him how I really felt about him. I gave it to him during my last weekly visit. It went like this:

Dear Ash,

I'm very nervous at the idea of giving you this letter, but I have too. There are things I've been wanting to tell you for a while and I thought it would be a great idea to write them all down for you to read them.

I won't lie, I care a lot about you Ashton. I haven't care about someone that much in the past. I always find myself thinking about you. I always want to spend time with you and hang out with you. I just want you to be happy all the time. I can't get you off my mind.

I got to know you those past weeks and I realized how amazing you are. You're an extraordinary guy, Ash. Even though you probably don't seem them, you have amazing qualities. You're such a good human being and I'm glad that I have you in my life. I'm happy that I got to know you better and that we're good friends now. You're an important part of my life now, and you''ll always be.

I'm very attached to you, Ash, probably more than I should be. It's crazy how I always want to be near you, how I need you. For weeks, I've been trying to figure all of this out...and I can't hide it anymore. I like you, Ash. I like you a lot. I know it's crazy, but I can't hide my feelings anymore. I needed you to know how I feel...that's why I wrote you this letter. I guess I just want to make you mine, and I want to be yours.

I know it might not be easy. We both live very different lives, but for you...I'm ready to do all it takes to make it work. Because you mean so much to me Ashton, more than you can imagine. I just really need you, I'm addicted to you. Do you think we could start something new between us two?

Think about it and give me an answer when you feel ready. I don't want to pressure you. Wheter it is a yes or a no, give me an answer when you reach a decision. I'll see you next week, Ash.

Your Lukey xxxx

A week passed and I didn't hear from Ashton at all. He didn't call me even once. I was scared that this letter ruined everything. I was afraid that it ruined everything. More than anything, I needed answers. That's why I found myself driving to the hospital on the next Satuday for our weekly rendez-vous.

I was nervous when I got to his room. Maybe he would chase me from his room. Maybe he wouldn't want to talk to me ever again. I took a deep breath and opened the door. Just like usual, Ashton was laying in his bed, reading. Reading became a way to fight his urges.

''Eum, hey,'' I spoke nervously, as I took a seat next to him.

''Oh, hi,'' he replied. ''I'm glad you're here.''

''Yeah, me too,'' I said sadly. 

''What's wrong?'' Ashton wondered sadly.

''I just...I don't know...I thought you didn't want to see me ever again because of that letter I wrote you...'' I answered.

''That's not true, Lukey,'' Ashton assured me. ''I just needed to think about it, there were many things I needed to think about...I'm so sorry that I got you worried by not calling you this week. I needed time to think about stuff.''

''Like what?'' I asked.

''Well, I needed to question myself to figure out if I was ready to be in a relationship. I'm not very stable and maybe being with someone would just make it worst. I was also afraid because of my past experiences...I never had a real relationship before and I'm very afraid to let someone in again. I'm scared to get hurt again. Being in my state, I wouldn't be able to get through more pain,'' he explained.

''So...it's a no?'' I wondered sadly.

I had to respect his decision, but part of me was begging for him to say yes. I wanted him to be able to trust me. I would never hurt him. I just wanted him, I just wanted us to be happy together. But he thought it was a bad idea.

''Let me finish. So yeah, that's why I didn't call you at first. Because I was going to say no and I didn't want to hurt you. But days went by and I found myself missing you like crazy, Luke. You were all I could think about and I just wanted to hear the sound of your voice or feel your warmth by hugging you. I realized that you're the only person I want to be near by. I realized that you were the best thing that ever happened to me in years. Remember when I told you that something was motivating me to fight the urges? Well, I was talking about someone...I was talking about you, Luke,'' Ashton said.

He surprised me lightly planting his lips on mine. I couldn't believe it, I was so surprised that it took me a few seconds before kissing him back. It felt so good, better than I have imagined it. There were thousands of butterflies errupting in my stomach. It was the first time I felt something as amazing and powerful as that. Our lips were meant to be together, they fitted like two puzzle pieces. This was right, this was meant to be. 

''Wow,'' I said happily when his lips left mine. 

''Amazing,'' he replied smiling.

''I'm never going to hurt you, Ash. I really really like you,'' I said.

''I trust you Lukey, I trust you with everything in me. I really really like you too. I have known for a while that I liked you more than a friend. How couldn't I? You're so perfect. I was scared to tell you, I guess I had the same fears that you had. I was afraid that it could ruin everything and I didn't want to lose you. But then, I read your letter and I felt like the happiest boy in the entire world. I couldn't believe that you felt the same way. I'm sorry that it took me so long to push away my fears. But now, I know that I took the right decision. Being with you feels better than everything else. You're my Lukey and I like you,'' Ashton said.

''So, Ashton Irwin, will you be my boyfriend? I asked happily.

''Of course I will, Luke Hemmings,'' he replied.

I kissed him again, I couldn't get enough of his sweet lips. He kissed me back, placing one of his hand on my cheek. The kiss was a sweet and tender one. And there was going to be so many to come. I could not believe that Ashton was my boyfriend. Who would have thought that helping him in therapy would lead to this. It was simply perfect. I was his, and he was mine. 

''This is so unreal,'' Ashton said smiling. ''This feels like a dream.''

''You're my dream,'' I replied. ''You're my perfect dream.''

''You're my paradise,'' he said. 

And we kissed again. That's how we spent the rest of our time together: just kissing and cuddling, being happy to be with each other. I knew that it would become one of my favorite things to do with Ashton. This was how things were supposed to be. This felt right. 

I knew that being in a relationship with him wouldn't be as easy as other relationships. We would only see each other once a week, but I knew we would make the most of it. We still had the phone, we would be able to call each other every single day. I knew that we could work this out. As long as we were together, nothing was impossible. It was him and me, it was us. 

This was the beginning of something beautiful. This was the beginning of something powerful. Ashton and I were meant for each other and I glad that our lives collided. That guy who still was a stranger to me two months earlier, was now my boyfriend. He was now the most important person to me in the whole world. 

''You're mine. You're my Lukey,'' Ashton whispered in my ear.

''I'm yours, and you're my Ash, forever,'' I replied.


	7. Chapter 7

Ashton's P.O.V.

I still could not believe it. I could not believe that me, Ashton Irwin, managed to get a boyfriend who really wanted me just the way I was. I still couldn't believe that the amazing Luke Hemmings fell for the depressed bullimic guy that I was. It was a dream, and I didn't want to ever wake up from it. I never thought that I would find someone as amazing as him. I was the happiest person in the world to be part of Luke Hemmings' life and I was glad he was part of mine.

I still didn't understand how an amazing guy like him could like a guy like me. He was so full of life, funny and positive while I was this guy stuck in an institute because he couldn't manage to love himself and enjoy his life. We were both so different, yet so similar. We had the same interests about so many different stuffs, mostly music. He wasn't just my boyfriend, he also was my best friend.

We have been dating for a month and everything was beyond perfect. We called each other every single day and talked for hours. It was hard only seeing him one time per week, on Saturday. But, I understood that Luke had a life outside of the institute. He had to go to school and still had to spend some time with his other friends. At least, I was able to call him and hear in angelic voice every day. There wasn't a second that passed where I wasn't thinking about him, missing him.

I loved everything about Luke. I loved his eyes, I felt like I could lost myself into them because they were so beautiful. I also loved his smile. It was to die for. Plus, the lip ring just made him even more attractive. Well, there wasn't a single thing I hated about Luke's look. Maybe the fact that he was way taller than me...but the more I thought about it, the more I liked it. It made the hugs way more comfier.

As for his personnality, he simply was amazing. Luke was such a respectuous person. He wasn't one to judge. He always tried to understand things from the other's point view. I admired him for that. Plus, he was such an affectionnate and caring person. He always knew how to make me feel better, he always had the right words to bring a lost smile on my face. He also was smart, funny, generous, loving and, dare I say...ponctual. He never missed a single one of your visits and he always was on time. Perfect little Luke.

We had a small problem though. The staff noticed that something was going on between us two and they weren't very happy about it. They would say that I wasn't mentally stable to be in a relationship and that I should wait until I was feeling better. I didn't really care about what they said. They always tried to assume what was best for me when they absolutely had no idea. There was no way I was going to wait until I got out to date my perfect boyfriend and there was no way that I was going to break up with Luke.

Speaking about getting better, things have been going for the best for me during that month. I found myself being motivated to get better so I could get out of there and live a normal life with Luke by my side. He was my motivation to reach my goal. Luke was the one who made me want to fight. Whenever I had urges to make myself throw up after I ate disgusting food, I would think about Luke to help me fight the urges. Or, I would just call him and hearing his beautiful voice would make me feel better. Luke was my guardian angel, he was the one who was going to save me.

I felt proud of myself. Yeah, I sure felt like I depended on Luke to get better, but I still felt confident in myself. I was learning to take care of myself more everyday. And with the help of Luke, I was learning to love myself. I was starting to see the good things that Luke saw in me, and that was a good thing. I knew I wouldn't love my look and personnality as much as Luke did, but I still improved and I felt really proud.

The three little words have not been said yet. Everyday I was falling more and more for Luke. I was falling rapidly and I knew he was going to catch me. I knew he wasn't going to let me crash to the ground. I trusted him with everything that I had in me. I trusted him enough to give him my heart. I knew he was going to take care of it.

We were Saturday and Luke was going to visit me soon. It was 10:30 AM and I was really excited to see him again. Saturday was my favorite day of the week, it was the day where I could hug and kiss my sunshine, my paradise. That day, I was going to tell Ashton that I loved him. I felt it, I was in love with him. I wanted him to know that I loved him with eveything that I had in me. And I hoped he was going to say it back.

I was brought back to reality when I heard my room phone rang. I wasn't used to get phone calls on Saturday mornings. I wondered who that could be, and what they wanted.

''Hi?'' I asked as I answered the phone.

''Good Morning Mr. Irwin. Eum, we have someone who's here to visit you, I know it's early so I wanted to know if you're awake and ready to see someone,'' Nancy, the secretary replied.

I knew that this was Luke, who else could it be? I was happy that he decided to visit me earlier. It would give us more time to hang out together. How I missed him and needed him.

''Sure, send them in,'' I said happily at the thought of seeing my boyfriend.

I sat on my bed, more ready than ever to see Luke. But when my visitor arrived at my door, it wasn't Luke. It was someone else. Someone who caused me so much pain. Someone I used to trust and broke me. It was Calum. The guy I used to date that turned out to be someone who got paid to make fun of me. Yeah, that Calum.

''Calum?'' I asked nervously.

''Don't worry, I'm not here to hurt you,'' he replied. ''Can I sit?''

I wasn't too sure wheter to accept or not. But I was too scared to refuse, I was afraid that he would try to hurt me.

''Eum, yeah, sure,'' I said.

Calum nodded and took a seat next to me, on my bed. He was looking at me and I could see something in his eyes, something I never say in them before: guilt.

''Okay, so eum...I heard about what happened to you and I came here to apologize and tell you the whole truth,'' Calum said sadly.

I was not certain that I wanted to know. A part of me was afraid that it would hurt me and didn't want to hear it. Just the fact of being next to Ashton brought back so many memories. But, another part of me was curious and needed to know. I needed to know the truth.

''Okay, sure,'' I replied.

''So eum, I'm very sorry about what I did to you. Like I told you, I was paid by the popular guys: Harry and Louis. At first I didn't want to do it, but they pushed me into doing it by offering me money and threatening me. So I accepted. They paid me to make you fall in love with me. And you did. But, I need you to know that I felt bad about it, very bad. I knew I was going to hurt you very bad. I wanted to quit, but Harry and Louis would not let me. At first, I was supposed to just date you and go break your heart. But Louis and Harry thought it was so funny that they pushed it even higher. They wanted me to abandon you when, you know... and record so they would have proof. Since then, there wasn't a day where I didn't feel guilty. When I say how hurt you were when I left you that night, I felt my heart broke. And then I learned that you tried to kill yourself and I wasn't able to live myself and needed to apologize,'' Calum explained.

I couldn't believe that two boys could hate me so much to the point of forcing someone to ruin me. They forced Calum to break me. I knew all of this, but the comfirmation hurt. I didn't understand what I've done to Harry and Louis that made them hate me that much.

''I-I don't know what to say, C-Calum. I really l-loved you and...yeah,'' I replied sadly.

''I know you did and I'm immensely sorry, Ashton. I tried to quit, I tried to, but I just couldn't because they would have gone after me and I was scared. I really cared about you. I even fell for you too, hard...but yeah...'' Calum said.

''Wait, you fell for me?'' I wondered.

''At first, I didn't. More as the weeks went by, I did. I was falling for you and I knew I was going to hurt you. I knew I was going to be an horrible person, and it killed me inside. I'm really sorry, Ashton. I wished we could have met otherwise, that way we could have been together for real,'' Calum answered.

I was speechless. This was all too crazy. The guy I felt in love with who turned out to break my heart felt guilty about it because, in the end, he also loved me. Calum really did love me.

''I-I don't know what to say,'' I replied.

''Don't say anything,'' Calum said before planting my lips on mine.

This feeling was so familiar to me. I craved for it for such a long time. But now, it felt wrong. It felt absolutely wrong. But, I was stupid enough to kiss him back. I knew that I didn't love Calum anymore, I loved Luke with all my hear. But that kiss just brought back so many memories that I couldn't help myself.

When his lips left mine, I heard someone crying. At my door was standing my actual boyfriend, the boy that I loved, Luke. He saw me cheating on him with my ex. In his hands, he had a box of chocolate and a bouquet of red roses. He dropped them to the floor and ran away, crying loudly.

Luke's P.O.V.

Ashton and I have been dating for a month and everything was going for the best. I found my soulmate and I fell hard for him. It was finally the day where I was going to tell Ashton that I loved him. It was finally the day where I was going to tell him how much love I had for him. This was going to be a perfect day. I hoped Ashton was going to say it back otherwise it would be a little bit akward.

For this special occasion, I bought Ashton a huge box of delicious swiss choclates. They were his favorites. I also bought him a big bouquet of red roses. It sounded really cheesy but I wanted to make this moment as perfect and as romantic as possible.

I found myself getting earlier than usual. I was too excited to see Ashton that I couldn't wait any longer. I missed him so much and could not wait to have him in my arms and hug him tightly. It was going to be our moment and it was going to be absolutely perfect.

When I reached his door, my heart fell and my smile faded away. Sitting on his bed was Ashton making out with a guy that wasn't me. Ashton was cheating on me. The boy I was madly in love with was cheating on me. I couldn't believe this and I couldn't stop the tears. That was true heartbreak. That was the worst moment of my life. The moment that was supposed to be one of the best moments of my life turned out to be the worst.

When they stopped kissing, Ashton finally noticed me and he looked guilty. I couldn't stay a minute longer in that room. I dropped the gifts that I bought Ashton to the ground and ran away as fast as possible.

''Luke, please wait!'' Ashton begged as he ran after me.

''L-Leave me alone, A-Ashton, I don't want t-to see you or talk to you e-ever again,'' I replied.

''P-Please, let me explain,'' Ashton said sadly.

''Explain what? Explain that you just cheated on me? I was so stupid. I was going to tell you that I loved you, but now, I hate you. I hate you Ashton Irwin. We are done,'' I replied harshly.

''Y-You don't mean it...''Ashton said, crying.

''I do. Stay away from me, forever,'' I replied.

I ran to the elevator and this time, Ashton didn't follow me. He fell to the ground, crying loudly. And I did the same as I got into the elevator. I lost the love of my life that day, and he took my happiness away from me.


	8. Chapter 8

Luke's P.O.V.

Heartbroken. That probably was the worst feeling that I have ever felt. I felt so empty, depressed and broken. I felt like all life was drained from my body. I felt dead. I was not living, I simply was existing and fighting to survive. I did not have any good reason to be happy. I did not have any purpose anymore. Ashton was my purpose, I trusted him with everything that I had in me. We made ourselves a promise to always be there for each other, no matter what happened. But Ashton couldn't keep that promise. He lied. He lied to me, he lied to himself and he lied to us. 

I could not believe that Ashton could do something like that to me. Things were pefect between us. We were the cutest couple. There was not any drama or problems in our relationship. Everything was just fine. It was pure love and we both were geniunely happy. Why did he have to ruin everything? I was going to tell him that I loved him, but everything was ruined...all because he cheated on me by kissing another boy. I could not help myself but wonder if Ashton actually cheated on me the whole time that we were together. I did not have an answer to this question, and I probably never was going to. 

Seeing the person you love kissing someone that isn't you...now words can explain how painful it can be. Ashton was supposed to be mine, I was supposed to be his. It was supposed to be us, there wasn't supposed to be anybody else. I could imagine my whole future with Ashton. I pictured us getting married, adopting kids and grow old together. I dreamed that one day, we could have our own musical career and make a living out of it. I had so many beautiful projects in mind for the both us, but none of them was going to take place anymore. 

Three weeks passed since Ashton and I broke up and I was a mess. It was hard to stay away from him, but I needed to. Seeing him was only going to make things worst. After we broke up, Ashton kept calling me, but I would not answer any of his calls. He left multiple messages on the voicemail saying how sorry he was and that it wasn't what it looked like. I could tell by the sound of his voice that he wasn't okay either. But that was his fault, he was the one who caused pain and sadness to the both of us. He was guilty.

Even though I didn't want to be around Ashton, I still had to go to Polar Inc. to visit Ben. Of course, Ashton would always try to talk to me but I would push him away, making him cry. It was already hard and painful to see his beautiful self that wasn't mine anymore. I did not need to add a conversation on top of that. I felt bad for making Ashton cry, but I had to do what was best for me. A part of me wanted to forget about it all, but I could not do that. 

My brother was happy when he learned that my relationship with Ashton was over. He never liked the fact that we were dating. He was jealous and he wanted me entierely for himself. He didn't have to worry anymore. Ben was the only person I was going to visit at Polar Inc until he would ever get out of there. I was not going to visit Ashton anymore. What we had was over. He ended it the moment he pressed his lips on that boy's. He ended it at the moment where he did something with another guy only him and me were supposed to do. 

There was not a single day that passed where I did not think about Ashton. With the multiple calls and messages left on the voicemail, it did not really help. A part of me hated Ashton for what he did to me, to us. He was the reason why we were not togehter anymore. I hated him for causing me pain and for breaking my trust. He was my everything, my paradise...and he ruined it. What he did was selfish and horrible. I thought that he loved me. He clearly did not if he was able to go being my back the way that he did. He did not care about me as much as I thought he did. I started that everything we shared was just a lie.

But a bigger part of me still loved him and cared about him. I could not stop loving him even though I tried. It would have made things so much easier if the feelings had faded away, but they did not. They stayed and I did not believe that they were going to leave anytime soon. It was impossible for me to forget the person that meant the most to me in the entire world. Ashton and I shared so many beautiful moments. We were very close. He was not just by boyfriend. He also was my best friend, my confident, my other half...my world.

Even though we were not together anymore, Ashton still meant a lot to me. I still cared about him and his physical and psychological health. I hoped that he was doing fine and that he did not give up on his way to getting better. I hoped that he did not let the urges win over him. I hoped that he stayed strong. I needed him to be strong. I could not wish him any bad. Even though what he did was pretty awful, Ashton still deserved to find happiness and peace in this world. It just was not going to be with me, unfortunately. 

My friends at school did not want to hang around me anymore. At first, they accepted my depressed attitude and how I did not want to do anything. They tried to cheer me up and they stayed by my side to comfort me. But they soon had enough and they abandonned me. They left me on my own with my sad thoughts and my memories. At that moment, I started to understand how Ashton really felt. There was nothing worst than being on my own, with nobody to count on.

Before I met Ashton, he was that lonely guy who did not have anyone to talk to. He did not have anyone to give him affection and to show him kindness. And then, we got to know each other and I became that special someone. I wanted to be there for Ashton, night and day. I just wanted him to be happy. I was never going to let him down, because he didn't deserve to be alone. And mostly, I was not going to give up on him because I loved him with all my heart. But it turned out that he was not as alone as I thought he was. Even though I was not part of his life anymore, he still had that other guy to rely on.

I wished that I could wake up with amnesia and forget about all the little moments Ashton and I shared. I wished I could forget how perfectly his lips matched mine. I wished I could forget how amazing it was to hug him and have him in my arms. All those little things were hurting me...but even though they were...I was glad that they happened. If life did not get in our way, Ashton and I still would be sharing those little moments.

I was currently at home, laying in my bed and listening to music. That pretty much summed up what I did after school after Ashton and I broke up. I did not feel like doing anything else. I did not want to see anybody. I would only leave my room to eat, shower, go to school or go visit Ben. Even my parents had enough of my attitude and made it clear to me. They said that they did not want their boy to be all lazy and depressed. They did not know about the whole Ashton and I thing...and I certainly was not going to tell them.

Listening to music reminded me of Ashton and how similar our music taste was. There were songs that reminded me of him, of his smile and his beautiful voice. I would have killed to hear it all over again. When Therapy from All Time Low started playing, I bursted out into tears. It was Ashton's favorite song. He told me how much he could relate to this song. He said the lyrics were powerful and that they represented in his situation very well. I started singing along to the song, remembering that one time where Ashton and I spent our entire time together singing along to our favorite songs. It was one of my favorite memory.

I came back to reality when my phone rang. It was Ashton. It was the first time in three days that he was calling me. My ringtone was a montage of Ashton's laugh and my background was a picuture we tookk the day we first go together. I did not find the strenght to change them. I did not want to move on. 

For the first time in weeks, I decided to finally answer the phone. I realized that we both deserved a conversation to talk about everything. It was time for us to be mature. I was time to face the truth once and for all.

''Hello Ashton,'' I said sadly.

''Oh, Mr. Hemmings, I'm glad you picked up the phone,'' someone who wasn't Ashton replied.

''Who's this?'' I asked.

''Oh, this is Nancy from Polar Inc.,'' she answered.

''Oh yeah hello,'' I replied. I was confused. Why was a nurse calling me?

''I have some pretty bad news,'' she said sadly.

''What? Did something happen to Ben?'' I wondered nervously. 

My brother had his ups and downs at the institute, but it never was bad enough for the nurse to call me. I was beyond nervous and anxious. What happened to my big brother? He had to be okay...

''Your brother is just fine, Mr. Hemmings...I'm calling you because something bad happened to Mr. Irwin,'' she answered.

That was even worst. I felt my heart break all over again. I should have known that Ashton was not okay, I should not have given up on him. He was not alright. I should have answered his calls, I should have tried to make things better. My Ashton. Something bad happened to my Ashton and I felt guilty. I felt like this was all my fault and that I could have stopped it. But I did not.

''Wh-What?'' I wondered, crying.

''I-I'm supposed to give this information to family only, but since your the only person who visited me since he was admitted, I decided to call you. Ashton has been in the intensive unit for the past three days...'' she answered.

That explained why he did not try to contact me the three previous day. Something bad happened, I should have known that something bad happened. I felt so stupid.

''Wh-What did he do?'' I asked sadly.

''He tried to kill himself. I-I don't where he find it, but we found him unconscious in his bathroom with a blade in his hand. He cut to the point where he almost was out of blood. We found him at the right time and he is okay now, well physically. Mentally, nothing seems to be okay. I know you and Mr.Irwin are not in the best of terms, but you should come visit him. He always cries himself to sleep, screaming your name...I think he really needs you, Mr. Hemmings,'' Nancy answered.

''O-Okay I-I'll be there t-tommorow,'' I replied before hanging up the phone.

I did not want to believe what Nancy told me. This was the worst thing that could have happened. Ashton tried to kill himself. My beautiful Ashton wanted to take his life away and he almost succeeded. All his phone calls, they were calls for helps and I ignored them. I lost him once and I almost lost him a second time. I was not going to let life a third chance to take him away from. He needed me, just as much as I needed him. 

Just like the previous nights, I cried myself to sleep with the image of the perfect guy wity dirty blonde curly hair. Only this time, I saw him crying. I saw him needing my help. I saw him suffering.

''I'm sorry, Ashton,'' I said to myself.


	9. Chapter 9

Ashton's P.O.V.

Luke's words cut like knives. We were over, he did not want to be with me anymore. And that was all my fault. I had been stupid enough to let Calum kiss. I was stupid enough to even kiss him back. I cheated on Luke. I cheated on the boy that meant the most to me in the entire world. I ruined everything because of stupid old crush. I had everything that I have been looking for. I had a guy who loved me for me, who respected me, who made me feel better about myself, who could make me laugh and who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. As usual, the stupid boy that I was had to ruin everything.

I wished Luke could have given me some time to explain the whole situation, but he didn't. And I could not blame him. He had all the rights to hate me. What I did was unforgettable, it only made me hate myself even more. When Luke said that he was going to tell me that he loved me, my heart broke. I was going to tell him as well. I wanted to tell him how much he meant to me, how much love I had for him. But I didn't get the chance. He didn't get the chance. The only thing I did was making him run away from me, taking my heart along with him. 

I tried to call him multiple times. I needed to explain myself, and I needed to hear his voice. He didn't pick up any of my calls and he didn't return my messages. He was done with me, I hurt him so bad that he did not want to hear from me anymore. But I was not going to give up. When Saturday came, I had hopes that he was going to show up at 11, like he always did. He promised me the first that we met that he was going to be there every single Saturday, and that he was not going to miss any visit. 

But, he did not show up. He showed up at 1PM to visit his brother, he was not going to visit me. I tried to talk to him when he was about to leave, but he pushed me away, not wanting to be anywhere near me. I was still madly in love with him. One mistake ruined everything. I ruined everything. I only had myself to blame. I was guilty, he was the victim. I lost everything. Luke was my everything and I lost him forever.

He made me feel so much better myself. He made me feel like it was okay to be me. He made me feel like I was a prince. He made me feel loved and important. He made me feel like things were going to be okay. He made me feel such incredible things that I was feeding on. But they were all gone now. They were all gone because of me, because I have messed up. It was all my fault. I pushed away my own happiness, I made it disappear.

Few weeks passed and he still didn't answer to any of my calls. He was ignoring me, pretending that I did not exist. It was okay though, I didn't deserve his attention. I didn't deserve any good. Boys like only deserved to be sad. I did not deserve to have a beautiful life when everything I did was bad and completely stupid. Luke deserved someone better than me. And I absolutely didn't deserve him. 

Luke being out of my life, I did not have any reason to fight anymore. I did not fight the urges anymore. I would make myself throw up after every single meal. The nurses never caught me, the stopped supervising me when they saw that I made a lot of progress. But that was because of Luke. Luke was now gone, so I was back to my old-self. I only saw flaws about me. I hated myself more than anything else. I thought I was stupid, ugly, useless, selfish, horrible, dumb and so much more. And that was how I really was. There was nothing good about me. My life was not worth it. I was not worth it.

I did not have any purpose anymore. All I saw was black, drama, problems, sadness, death. I wanted to die. I wanted to live this world. I did not want to hurt anymore and I did not want anybody else to hurt because of me. I had caused enough problems, everything would be better once I would be gone, everything. Nobody was going to miss me, it would be like I never existed. I would be gone for a place where people like me belonged; a place where stupid guys belonged. I would never cause any more drama, people would not have to check on me everyday to see if I was okay...everything would be for the best.

One night, when everyone was asleep, I did it. And I was not going to miss this time. Luke was the only person who made me want to stay alive. Not that he was gone, I had no reason to continue. I did not have any reason to stay alive. After Luke and I started dating, I stopped taking my pills. The nurse would bring them to me everynight. I made her believe that I was taking them, but as soon as she woult turn her back, I would put the pills in my drawer, in plastic bag. I didn't feel the need to take them. I did not want of a fake happiness around Luke, so I didn't take them.

This plastic bag was going to be useful. Along with the pills, there was a blade. I had found it one day in the recreation me and I took it with me and hid it. I was with Luke when I found it so I did not have the urge to use it. But now, I did. And I also had the urge to swallow every single pill in the plastic bag...and there were a lot. So that is what I did. When everyone was asleep, I locked myself in my bathroom and swallowed them, one by one. There was no way that I would be saved now since I waited for the nurse to do her night check up. I gave myself as many chances as possible to succeed in killing myself. I was not going to miss, I was going to die for good.

I already felt dizzy when I swallowed the last pill. But I was not going to stop there. I took the blade out from the plastic bag. That was it. I began cutting my arms deeply. Both my arms were covered in blood. I was going to die any minutes from then. I felt peaceful and happy to finally leave this world. The only thing I would regret was not saying farewell to Luke. But he would live. He woud hear about my death and he would move on, just like everybody else would. 

I closed my eyes as I felt myself dying slowly. I thought back to my most beautiful memories, all of them involving Luke: the time we first met in therapy, our first hug, our first kiss, the time he asked me to be his boyfriend, etc. Luke showed me that happiness was possible. I wanted my lost thought to be about him, he was the one who made me want to fight when I felt like giving up. He showed me that things could get better. But I had to make them bad again. I was giving up once and for all. I closed my eyes and waited for my time to come, finally.

When I opened my eyes and realized that I was not dead, I wanted to punch a wall. I had missed again. It should have worked, I was not supposed to fail. Why did I fail? Killing yourself should be the easiest thing to do correctly, and I missed twice. What a big fat loser. Why did they have to find me? How did they know that something was going on? Why couldn't they just let me die like I wanted? I didn't want of this, I was sick of it. All I wanted was to die. All I wanted was to stop breathing. 

I looked around me and did not recognize the room I was in. My head hurt a lot, my stomach too. I felt so desperate that I started crying, showing the world how vulnerable and pathetic I was. Was it too much to ask to let me die so I could stop hurting? Was it too much to ask to let me go to the other side where I would feel better, where I would feel free? Why couldn't they accept that some people aren't happy and that the only solution for them to find happiness is to die? I hated how they believed they knew what was best for me.

''How are you doing, Mr. Irwin?'' A nurse asked as she entered the room.

''Bad because I am not dead,'' I replied.

''Do you know where you are and what happened?'' She asked sadly.

''Don't give me that sad attitude, because you don't care about what I want. I tried to kill myself. I took around thirty pills and I cut myself so deeply. I was going to die, I was close from death. But then you had to save me. I did not want to be saved. I wanted to die, why couldn't you all understand that?'' I answered.

''Yeah, that is what happened. And you've be in a coma for three days. You are now under suicide watch in another unity. We are going to keep you in here until we feel that you are not a danger for yourself anymore,'' She replied.

''That is bullshit. I want to die,'' I said harshly.

''You are having a hard time Mr.Irwin, and I get it...and we are here to help you,'' The nurse said before leaving the room.

I started crying again. I felt so hopeless, desperate, exhausted and stupid. I did not understand why all the things that I wanted could never turn the way I wanted them to be. Why did life hate me that much to make everything go wrong? I kept crying and yelling as I cried myself to sleep. 

I was woken up by someone shaking me lightly. What did that nurse want again? Didn't she understand that I did not want her or anybody else to help me? Why did the staff in here had to be so stubborn?

''Whoever you are, can't you just freaking go away? I don't want help. Just leave me alone to die,'' I said.

''I can't leave you...'' a familiar voice replied.

I quickly opened my eyes and saw him sitting by my side. He was there. Luke was there. 

''Luke?'' I wondered sadly.

''I-I'm so sorry Ashton,'' he replied crying. ''I-I'm so sorry that I ignored you those p-past weeks. I should have been there for you. I-I promised you to always be there for you no matter what and I broke my promise. I-I'm so sorry Ash. T-They called me they t-told me about what you d-did and I-I was so scared that I-I had lost you forever.''

''I-I thought you hated me Luke,'' I said, crying as well. ''I-I'm sorry for e-everything okay? I-I messed up and I-I'm so sorry. I-I don't deserve to live, Luke. I-I'm just a stupid jerk and-''

He cut me off by crashing his lips on mine, kissing me tenderly. Was I hallucinating? How I missed that feeling. The feeling of security, the feeling of comfort. I missed this feeling of love only Luke could give me, this feeling of hope.

''I-I was mad at you, v-very mad. What you d-did was wrong...but what I-I did was wrong too. I should have l-listened you. I should have called you b-back Ashton. I feel l-like this is all my fault. I-I didn't want you t-to die Ash, I couldn't lose you like that...because even though I'm mad...I'm still madly in l-love with you,'' Luke said. 

''P-Please don't b-blame yourself Lukey,'' I begged sadly. ''I-I don't want you to blame yourself.''

He nodded, still crying. He actually really cared about me even though I did something stupid. He still loved me. I made him some space in my bed and he got the hint. He layed in my bed next to me, hugging me tightly. 

''D-Don't do this again, okay Ash? P-Please,'' he begged. ''I-I can't lose you. I-I need you and I-I know that we b-both did something b-bad...but we c-can work through this okay? Things will be okay. I just love you so much and I need you. P-Please stay with me.''

''Okay. I love you yoo,'' I replied. 

Maybe things were going to be after all. Only time would tell. I had my Luke back, so I could only hope for a brighter future.


	10. Chapter 10

Luke's P.O.V.

Seeing a person you love all hurt probably was the worst thing that could happened to me. No words can explain how I felt when I saw Ashton in that bed. No words can explain how sad and broken I felt when I saw all those scars on his beautiful body. I did not want this to happen. I felt so guilty, I felt like it was all my fault and that I could have stopped Ashton from doing this to himself. But I was too late. But I promised myself and Ashton that I was never going to leave him again. I did not want to lose him again, I needed him in my life. I never was going to let him run away anymore.

When I saw Ashton on that bed, it confirmed that I was still madly in love with him. Even though he hurt me, I loved him more than anything else. I was so scared. I was so afraid that I was going to lose him forever. But he was okay, and things were going to go for the best because I never was going to leave his side anymore. Ashton and I were meant to be together. And I'm mad it took so much time and a tragedy for me to realize it. My love for him was more powerful than anything else. We were going to go through all the obstacles that life was going to put on our way. As long as we would be together, we would win. 

A month passed since the whole tragedy and things were better now, they were how they used to be, how they were supposed to be. Ashton was able to get back to his old room a week after his attempt because he showed no sign of suicide thoughts. Sure, he was still very vulnerable, but I was there to make him feel better. I was there to protect him, to tell him that things were going to be okay. He was my warrior, he was my fighter. And I knew that even though he would meet other obstacles; he was going to win that fight in the end. He was Ashton Irwin. He was my hero, and I knew all the great things he was capable of.

Ashton explained to me the whole thing about the guy I caught him kissing. He told me that the guy was Calum, the boy who broke his heart back in school. Ashton told me how Calum came to apologize for the nasty things he did. Ashton told me how Calum admitted he was really in love with him and how it ended by a kiss. I did not like hearing Ashton tell me about the whole story, but I deserved an explanation and Ashton deserved to talk. Ashton apologized for not pushing him away. I forgave him and that whole incident was now in our past and we were never going back there. We both had our faults in this whole thing, but it was over now. The present and the future were ours and we were going to make the most of them.

Since then, things went for the best. Ashton and I were madly in love with each other. We would call everynight like we used to.We would talk about the most random things and laugh about them. I loved hearing Ashton laugh, he had the most adorable laugh in the whole world. I started visiting him earlier every Saturday so we could spend a little more time together. It was our only time together so I wanted to be with him as much as possible. We would just talk, listen to music, cuddle and kiss. What mattered was that I had him with me. I was addicted to him, I was madly in love with him. And I knew that Ashton felt the same about me. We were meant for each other. 

Today was Ashton's birthday and I wanted this day to be memorable. I bought him some gifts and I even baked a delicious chocolate cake. I wished that the doctors would have let Ashton get out of this hospital for his birthday but they said it was too dangerous and risky. I insisted but they kept saying no, giving me the same excuses. So I was going to take the birthday celebration to Ashton. I wanted his 19th birthday to be the best birthday he ever had. I wanted to make him happy. I wanted to put a beautiful smile on his perfect little face.

I showed at the institute at 10AM that day. When I got to Ashton's room, he was not in his bed. I wondered where he could be until I heard noise from the bathroom. He was in the shower. I decided to sit on his bed and wait for him to be done so I could surprise him. I could not wait to hug him and kiss him. I could not wait to tell him that I loved him. And I could not wait for him to open the gifts I was about to give him. 

Ten minutes later, my perfect man finally got out of the bathroom. He looked amazing, like he always did. He was all mine. I was so proud that he was. I could not have asked for a better boyfriend. Ashton was perfect in every single way.

''Happy Birthday Love,'' I said happily.

''You remembered! Thanks Lukey,'' Ashton replied. 

He took a seat next to me and kissed me deeply. I was living for moments like this one. I was living for love, I was living for Ashton. I wanted the rest of my life to be just like that; with the boy I loved the most.

''Of course I did! How could I forget my boyfriend's birthday? You're 19, you're a big boy now. Watch for the white hair and the wrinkles,'' I said laughing.

''Ha-Ha. You're so funny,'' Ashton replied.

''I have a gift for you,'' I said smiling, handing him a small package.

''You shouldn't have Lukey, you being here is already the best birthday gift that I could get,'' Ashton replied.

''You're too cute, but you deserve it! Go ahead open it!'' I said.

Ashton began unwrapping the gift. I could not wait to see the look on his face, I hoped that he was going to love it. In the box was a t-shirt on which it was written I love Lukey. It was very cheesy, but I thought it would make Ashton happy. Gladly, it did.

''This is way too cute,'' Ashton said. ''You're so perfect Lukey. I love you.''

''I love you even more. That is why I have the same shirt at home on which it is written I love Ash. Aren't we a cheesy couple?'' I replied.

''Yes we are, and I love it that way. I'm so glad that we found our way back to each other. I'm so happy that you're here right now. I'm so happy to be here with you. You make everything better Lukey, you're the best thing that could happen to me,'' Ashton mentionned.

''And you're the best thing that happened to me as well, Ash. Nothing will ever seperate us forever, because true love is so powerful. We'll always find our way back to each other, no matter what will happen in the future. It will always be you and more,'' I said.

Ashton smiled before kissing me tenderly. Our lips fitted like two puzzle pieces. They were meant to be together. Destiny wanted Ashton and I to be together forever. And I'm glad that things were the way they were. 

''I brought some cake! You hungry?'' I asked as his lips left mine.

''I'm always hungry for cake, even though it's like 10 in the morning. You did not have to cook a cake for me though, it is way too much,'' Ashton answered.

''Nothing is too much when it comes to you,'' I said.

So for the next hour or so, we just ate the delicious cake that I had prepared for the occasion. I always had some cooking skills, that cake being the proof. Ashton and I talked about random stuff, there never was a single moment of silence between us. We always had something to say wheter it was something smart of dumb. 

I had one more gift left to give Ashton, but I was very nervous to give it to him. It was not just a simple gift like the t-shirt. It was way bigger, way more significant. I have thought about giving this to him in the past, and I felt that giving it to him on his birthday was the perfect moment.

''I have another gift for you,'' I said nervously.

''Really? Aww Lukey,'' Ashton replied.

I took a deep breath before reaching for my back pocket in which there was a tiny boy. I opened it, revealing a ring. I took another breath before speaking again.

''This is a promise ring that I want to give you. By giving you this ring, I promise you to always be there for you. You'll always be able to count on me, in your ups and your downs. You'll never be alone because I'll always be there. By giving you this ring, I promise to always make you happy. I will always try my best to put a beautiful smile on your face and give you the life you deserve to have. I'll chase away the tears and bring back happiness. By giving you this ring, I promise to you love as much as I could ever do. I promise you to make you feel like the most precious person in the entire world. I promise to make you feel loved, wanted and important. I promise to love you forever, I promise to never let you go. Finally, by giving you this ring, I promise you to be yours until the end of time. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to be able to wake up every morning and know that you're mine. I want you to be my forever, I want you to be my everything better plan. I'm promising all those things because I love you like crazy Ashton Fletcher Irwin,'' I said.

Once I was done talking, Ashton was crying and took me in a hug. It simply felt right, it simply felt amazing. I put the ring on his finger, formalizing all the promises that I just did. And I was going to keep them. I was not going to break any single one of them.

''You're so perfect, do you know that?'' Ashton wondered. ''You're such an amazing person Lucas Robert Hemmings and I can't believe that I got so lucky to meet someone like you. I love you so much, more than words could ever explain. I want to be yours forever, I want to call you mine for the rest of my life. You showed me what true happiness was, you should me what it was like to be loved. You should me what it was like to have someone who cares about you. You showed me that life can be good. I don't have a ring, but I promise you the same things. Because you also deserve what is best in life. You deserve to be happy, to be loved and to have an amazing life. And I will do everything in my power to give you those things.''

We were young, but I could tell that this was just the beginning. There were so many great things to come in the future for Ashton and I. I could see ourselves moving together, I could see ourselves getting married, I could see ourselves adopting some cute kids and I could see ourselves growing old together. All my future was involving Ashton. And I loved it.


	11. Chapter 11

Ashton's P.O.V.

A little less than a month passed since Lukey gave me this promise ring. And honnestly, things were back on track for us. I was fighting and I was not giving up. I had one goal in mind, and that goal was to finally get on of Polar Inc. and have a normal life. I wanted to be able to breathe the fresh air and feel the warm rays of the Sun on my skin. I wanted to live like a normal young adult boy, I wanted to be free. I wanted to be free from this place and from my problems. And most of all, I wanted to be near Luke and spend as most time as possible with him. That was my only wish, and I could tell that it was Luke's too.

Luke was more than perfect to me. He forgave me for what I did. We talked about it and we decided to forget about it all. It was all in the past now. Luke and I only thought about the present and the future that we were both going to spend together, side by side. I trusted Luke enough to know that he was not going to give up on me, and I was going to do the same. I wanted him to be mine for the rest of my life. I wanted his love to feed me everyday. I needed Luke in my life, more than anything else. He was my oxygen. You could say that my love for him could be unhealthy, but it was not. It was pure, perfect and right.

Luke kept all the promises he made me when he offered me that beautiful promise ring. He was there for me in my ups and my downs. He was always there to laugh or cry with me. I could always count on him to make me feel better, to bring back a smile on my face. I could call him day and night, and he would always answer. We would talk for hours. I wished we could have seen each other more often, but Luke and I made the most of it when we saw each other every Saturday, the best day of the week. He was always there and he made every single visits magical and memorable. That's how perfect my boyfriend was.

Luke also showed me how much he actually cared about me. Everyday, he would say such beautiful things to me to make me feel better. Luke always had that special hability to make me feel good about myself, he always found the right words for every situation. He also showed me how much he loved me wheter it was by telling me, hugging me or kissing me. I could feel love in every little gesture that he made. I could see love when I looked into Luke's eyes. I could feel love when he wrapped his strong arms around my tiny body. And I could taste love when he kissed me tenderly or passionately. There wasn't a single moment where I felt empty. I always felt Luke's love and it was the best feeling in the whole world.

I sometimes felt sad though, because we could not do what normal couples would do. I wished that I could have taken Luke on a date. I wished that we could have gone to a fancy restaurant, to the movie or just in a cute tiny park. But we could not, because I was stuck in this institute. Even though Luke promised to never give up on me, I was afraid that he would get tired of our weird relationship where we could only see each other one time per week. I was afraid that he would want more. There were so many things I wanted us to be able to do, but we couldn't...because of me and my stupid mental state. How I wished that Luke and I had an opportunity to be much more intimate, to really show how much we loved each other.

But I was positive. After my second attempt, I did not have any other urges to kill myself. I did not make myself throw up anymore and I was taking my medication how I was supposed to. The doctors were proud of me and could see that I was on the right way on getting better. I felt proud of myself, I felt proud that I made it that far. But, I also owed it to my precious boyfriend, Luke. He was the one who gave me the strenght and the courage to fight. I was not only fighting for myself, I was also fighting for him. Luke made me want to be a better me. 

Two weeks after Luke gave me the ring, the doctors said that, if everything stayed the way they were, I would be able to get out of the institute in a month. They said that I could get back to a normal life in a month. That month sure was going to be long, but I had an objective. I had to stay strong for one more month before I could finally get back on track forever. After everything that I had been through, that was finally it. I was going to be okay. Things were going to be just fine. In the end, every strom will have an end. And mine was finally going to end and give some space to the sun and rainbows.

Luke was happier than I when I gave him the news. He told me how proud he was of me and how much he loved me. He was simply the best. We have been talking about what our life was going to be like once I would get out of Polar Inc. We talked about moving together, we thought that it would be the best thing to do. We would have to wait until Luke's graduation though, but that wasn't a long time away. I could see a bright future in front of us. I could see happiness and paradise. Life finally was going to give me those things I've been craving for.

After these majors news, I felt that something was wrong with Luke. Not about our relationship though, just about him. He seemed to be less happy and bubbly than he usually was. I could see sadness in his eyes which I didn't where it was from. I tried to make him speak to me, but he would tell me that everything was fine. Or, he would change the subject by kissing me or making some jokes. Something was wrong with my baby and I sure was going to find out what was causing him pain. I hated to see him hurt. At that moment, I understood how Luke must have been feeling when I was at my worst. 

When I called Luke one day, he was crying. He wasn't just crying, he was a sobbing mess. I could hear people yelling in the background. Something was wrong in his house. And then, he let it all out. He told me about how his parents were going to divorce. He told me about how his parents started treating him like shit because he did not get good grades on his last report card. He told me about his parents would not stop arguing about Ben and how he was a lost cause. Luke's familly was broken and it was causing him so much pain. All I wanted to do was to hug him and chase the pain away.

We talked for several hours and I tried to make him better, but my words did not have a big effect on him. He would not stop crying, telling me how much of a failure he was and how everything that was happening was his fault. I told him that it wasn't true, but he would not believe me. I hated to see my boyfriend hurt so much. It wasn't okay. I was going to make everything in my power to bring back the all happy, funny and energetic Luke Hemmings. Just like the promise he made to me, I was going to be there for him in his ups and his downs. I never was going to give up on him. 

After the call, Luke tried his best to hide his pain. He wanted to make me believe that he was okay, but I knew him well enough to know that he was not. I felt like he did not trust me enough to show me his vulnerable side. I showed him mine, why couldn't he let me see his? I knew I could help. Was he afraid that I was going to leave him? Was he afraid that my love for him would fade away only because he was having a rough time? I loved him way too much to do that. All I wanted was to make him happy, to make him feel better. Because Luke Hemmings deserved the best things in the world. An angel like him deserved perfection, nothing below that.

I decided to write him a letter that I was going to give him the next time he wouldl visit me. I opted for a letter because Luke wrote me one once and it made me feel so much better. I hoped it could have the same effect on him. In this letter, I told him and reminded him how much I loved him. I complimented him and said many lovely things on how he was the perfect boyfriend for me. I also told him that it was okay to be sad. I let him know that I was there for me, that I always was going to be. I let him know that he should not blame himself for what was happening in his life. I didn't want him to feel guilty about the whole situation. I hoped that my words would bring back a smile on his face.

I was currently sitting in my room, reading my letter over and over again to make sure it was okay. I had two more days before seeing Luke again and I wanted my letter to be perfect. I must have rewritten it thrice because it never seemed to be good enough. I sometimes felt like my words would only upset Luke even more than he already was. I didn't want, I wanted him to smile and to be happy. I was so focused on writing my letter until I heard people talking outside of my room. 

''Have you seen the new patient that just got admitted? He's in room 12, the one Jack used to be in,'' Some random voice coming from the hall asked.

''No, but I heard that he is very cute. Some people say that they already saw him before,'' someone replied. 

''Yeah, I did see him before. He sure is cute,'' the first boy said.

''In the end, he is just another messed up kid like us,'' the second guy replied.

Curiosity got better of me and I headed to the room mentionned by that guy. Everybody in here always was curious when it came to a new patient. They all wanted to know what he looked like and why he was in there. And I was one of those people. I walked to the room, trying to make myself a mental image of what he could look like. It was a little game of mine, and most of the time...the guy or the girl had nothing to do with the impression I had of them. 

When I reached the room, I thought that I was hallucinating. The boy in there was too much familiar to be true. This was impossible. I pinched myself, thinking that I was dreaming. But I wasn't. It was really the person I thought it was. How could this be? How was it even possible? Why was this happening? It was not supposed to happen. I broke down when I realized that the new patient was none other than my boyfriend, Luke Hemmings.


	12. Chapter 12

Luke's P.O.V.

It was all my fault. What was happening with my parents, I felt like it was all my fault, I was convinced it was. I messed up everything that we used to have. And I could not go on with those thoughts in my mind. It all started when I received my report card. My grades were pretty horrible. I was used to getting all A's and B's. This time all my grades were D's but music in which I got A, as usual. I didn't put as much effort in my studies like I used to. I had something else distracting me, or should I say someone.

My parents got pretty mad. They started yelling at me on how they were disappointed of me. They said that I was their only hope, that I was the only who could make them proud. They started insulting my dream of pursuing musical career, saying that I would never go far. They wanted me to be doctor or something like that. They wanted me to have as much success possible since my brother never would. My parents started insulting Ben and how he would never do anything great with his life while I could. They were insulting him. I could not believe that they were saying such horrible things about their own son who wasn't the one to be blamed for his condition. It was nobody's fault. Ben did not decide to be sick. He would have wanted a normal life over the one he was stuck with.

I tried to defend him, but it only made my parents angrier, mostly my father. He kept telling me that he did not need his second son to be also a failure. He did not want me to be dumb like he pretended Ben to be. He wanted me to be all perfect and smart, like the perfect little guy I was supposed to be from the day I was born. And my mom, she just nodded, agreeing with what my father was saying. I started to wonder if they always thought those horrible things about Ben? Did they always consider him as the loser, the failure of the family? I did not love the thought, I did not like how they were treating me and Ben. They were not acting like two parents were supposed to. They were acting like total idiots.

Things got worst when I started yelling myself. My dad hit me, he actually slapped me hard in the face. It was the first time in my whole that one of my parents actually raised their hand on me. He hit me hard and it was hurting. When he realized what he had done, my father started apologizing, but I would not hear it. I just ran to my room, with the yells of my mother and my father in the background. I could not believe that my father actually hit me, him who was always nice and sweet to me, like a best friend. But at the back of my mind, I felt like I deserved it. I deserved being hit.

After my father hit me, the ambiance in the house pretty much was horrible. My mother and my father would always argue, barely talking to me. My mother would not cook nice dinners like she used to do and my father would not watch some hockey games with me on TV. Our family was broken. What I thought would upset them just a little turned out to be the element that tore us apart. Because of my bad notes, my parents were going to divorce. Because of me. It was all my fault. 

I felt so much pain inside of me, but I had to stay strong. I had to stay strong for Ashton, the guy I loved the most. He needed me. He was going to get out of the hospital in a few weeks and this was amazing news. I tried to stay positive, but it was hard. I realized how hard it could be to hide all the pain can feel. I did not want to worry Ashton with my problems, I did not want him to carry the weigh of my problems along with his. He already had enough, I was going to take care of myself on my own.

Ashton was not dumb, he knew that something was wrong with me. Lying to him, saying that everything was okay was hard. I hated hiding the truth from him, but it was the right thing to do. I did not want him to worry about me. I did not want him to know about all the horrible thoughts I had in the back of my mind. I wanted him to stay the happy Ashton that he turned into. I wanted things to be just perfect for him. 

But lying to him was getting harder and harder. That one night he called me, my father and my mother had the biggest of fights and Ashton could hear in the background. So I told him everything. I told him about the my bad grades and how I was responsible of all the drama in my family. He kept telling me that it was not my fault and that I should not blame myself the way I did. But I did not believe him. The voices didn't agree with Ashton's words. I didn't tell him about those voices though, and I didn't tell him about all the horrible ideas that I had at the back of my mind. 

I tried to hold on. And the only thing that helped me holding on was Ashton. He was the one positive thing among all those remorses and negative thoughts. I knew he needed me, I had to be there for him. I could not give up on me, on us. We both needed each other, we were meant to be together. And I was doing okay until I came home from school one day and I found my dad sitting on the couch, drunk. He hit me again, and it was the hit that made me quit.

I hoped that Ashton would forgive me. I knew he would understand because he has been there before. I knew he was not going to judge me, that he would see it as an ultimate solution to chase the pain away. I was going to miss him like crazy, but I wanted to be in a better place. I wanted to be a in place where I could not cause anymore problems and drama to the ones I loved. They would be better without me, I was convinced of that.

I locked myself in my parents' bathroom where I would find everything I needed. I hoped things were going to go as planned. I did not want to be found, I wanted to just go away on my own with nobody who could save me. I just wanted to be forgotten, even by Ashton. Sooner he would forget me, the less pain he was going to have.

Ashton actually was the only thing that made me doubt about my decision. I was so lucky to have him in my life. He loved me like crazy, he made me feel so good about myself. He was an amazing person who turned out to be my hero. He was a fighter, my warrior. I encouraged him to fight. But here I was, not even able to listen to my own advices. Even though Ashton gave me everything I could have dreamed of, the pain was not going to go away. And I wanted it to.

My mom had some pain killers in one of the drawers. She used to take them when she had problems with her back. I grabbed the little bottle in which there was at least 20 of those tiny little pills that were going to be the end of me. Those tiny little white things were going to kill me and it was going for the best. I was going to leave this world slowly, without hurting. I was going to leave peacefully.

I sat on the floor and thought about my life. I would be lying if I said that I had a bad life. Everything was just fine until the previous events. Before the events with my grades, everything in my life was perfect. I was happy, I had everything I could wish of. I was healthy. I was good looking and in good shape. I was smart and was doing good in school. I was not the most popular guy in the world, but I had many friends that I could count on. I had a family who loved me and was very supportive. And most of all, I found the love of my life: Ashton Irwin. We met a few months before, but the months passed with him turned out to be the best of my life. And my last thoughts were dedicated to him.

''I hope that you'll forgive me Ashton, I love you,'' I said to myself.

I opened the little orange bottle and swallowed every single pill that it contained. By the time I swallowed the last one, I was already feeling dizzy. This was the end of me. I was feeling myself slowly leaving this world for a better place. I closed my eyes and waited for time to work its magic. I waited for it to take me to this better world.

But it did not work its magic the way I expected it to. When I woke up, I realized that I actually was alive and I was pissed. I understood how Ashton felt, how depressive it could be to miss doing the act that should be the easiest one to do. I looked around me and recognized the environment. I've been there so many times before that it was like a second home. I was in a room of Polar Inc. This time though, I was not a visitor. I was a patient.

A nurse came to see me and explained me everything that happened. She was shccked when she heard what I did to myself. She said that she always thought that I was all happy and that everything was okay with me. Things can change rapidly. She told me how my mother found me laying on the floor of her bathroom. She found me just in time and I was taken to the intensive care of the institute. After they drained all the pills from my stomach, they transfered me to this room where I was going to spend the next few months of my life.

''Do you want me to, eum...tell Mr.Irwin about what happened to you?'' She asked.

Ashton. He was not supposed to know. I did not want him to find me in this bad state. I was worried that he would hate me, that he would yell at me. I did not want him to feel bad about this. I did not want to see his reaction towards my attempt. I did not want to make him sad. I did not want to cause him anymore pain. But he would need to learn about it soon or later since we were both going to live in the same place. But I opted for later.

''No. I'll..I'll go talk to him later,'' I replied weakly.

She nodded before she went on with explaining me the rules on the Institute. I already knew them by heart so I barely listened to her. I just wanted to be alone. She was nice, but I wanted her to leave my room. When she did, I felt a little better. I needed to think about everything. But most of all, I needed to find a way to tell Ashton.

As I was thinking, I saw some people stopping by my room, most of them being very familiar to me. They were all probably curious to know who was the new fucked up who just got admitted. I could not blame them, I just did not pay attention to them. But that was until that one person stopped by my room. I could see the pain on his face and the tears in his eyes. This wasn't going to be easy. I was certain that he was going to yell at me.

''L-Luke?'' Ashton wondered sadly.

''I'm s-sorry,'' I replied as I started crying.

When I thought he was going to yell at me, he didn't. Instead, I felt his arms wrapped around me. I was craving for his comfort. I needed some security, because everything just wasn't okay. But Ashton's hug gave me the little dose of humanity and affection that I was craving for.

''I-I'm sorry. I-I should have noticed that something was w-wrong. Baby, I'm so sorry,'' Ashton said.

''D-Don't blame yourself Ash, please d-don't,'' I replied.

''I'm going t-to take care of you now okay? I will help you...just like you d-did with me,'' he mentionned. ''We are going to be okay. Together. Okay?''

''Okay,'' I said.

''I love you so m-much. Thanks G-God, you're okay,'' Ashton said.

''I love you too,'' I replied.

I did not know if things were going to be okay. I did not know if the pain was going to fade away. I did not know if I would be able to go back to the happy guy I used to be. But one thing I knew is that I loved Ashton. I was so happy that he did not judge me and that he was going to help me. Just like we promised, we were going to be there for each other in our ups and our downs. And it was my turn to let Ashton comfort me and make me want to fight. It was my turn to be his warrior. And with time, I hoped that I was going to make him proud.


	13. Chapter 13

As days went by, I was filled with so much regrets. A couple of weeks before, I was absolutely certain that I wanted to die, that it was the best solution to put an end to my sadness and my guilt. I was convinced that it was the only choice that I had, but I was wrong. I felt guilty for wanting to leave this world. I felt bad towards my family. Even though my parents and I were not as closed as we used to be, killing myself would have destroyed them. Even though we were going through a rough time, I knew they still loved me and cared about me.

When the doctors felt like I was stable enough to have visitors, my mother came to visit me. My father did not want to see me at first. It wasn't because he hated me, it was because he felt like he was the one who led me to swallow all those pills. He felt like he would have been responsible of my death. He thought he was an awful and horrible father. When my mother came to visit me, she apologized for both my father and her's attitude and comportment. She was crying and told me how happy she was to know that I would be okay. She realized that things needed to change. She realized that our future couldn't look and be like our past.

My mother and I tried to work things out. I could not say mad at her forever. In the end, she was still my mother. I didn't how things went at home, but I knew that my mother and him decided to cancel the divorce and that they would try to go back to where they used to be. It wouldn't be easy, but I was confident that they could do it. And things sure seemed to be better already when my mother came back to visit me a few days after along with my father. I was so happy to see him. I needed my father even though we have been going through rough times a couple of weeks before. I needed him to know that things were going to be okay, and I knew they would.

For the first time in forever, my parents gave Ben a visit which didn't last long because he refused to talk to them or even look at them. The only thing he told them was how he hated them for abandonning him for such a long period of time and how he did not consider them as family anymore. He didn't want them to suddenly feel guilty for theiir behavior, it was too late for that. My parents understood Ben's point of view, they knew they haven't been the best parents in the world for him. At least, they gave it a try and I was proud of them. Maybe Ben would come along with time. 

Speaking of Ben, he was also very pissed at me. He was mad at me for trying to leave this world. He needed me and he did not want to lose me. I basically was everything that he had and I felt stupid for trying to abandon him. He was my brother and we were supposed to always be there for each other and I almost broke that promise in that bathroom on that night where everything could have ended. Thankfully, he forgave me and made me promised to never attempt again. After that day, we hung out at least once a day. 

I also had regrets about my attempt because of my boyfriend. I felt guilty because I realized that Ashton and I needed each other more than I have ever imagined we did. We both perfecty completed each other, we were like two puzzle pieces that were meant to fit together. I was so stupid for wanting to leave this world for a better place. I was so dumb for wanting to leave Ashton and never come back. At that time, I did not realize that my better place was by his side. Everything always was easier and better when I was with my lovely and amazing Ashton. He was my everything better plan, my neverland. He was my escape from reality. I should have come to him when I felt like giving up. I shouldn't have take the easiest option. It was selfish of me.

Ashton has been so supportive. We would spend almost the entirety of our free-time together. Even though it wasn't the best place to spend time with him, I still was happy to have the opportunity to spend a lot of time with him. We no longer had to see each other only a couple of hours per week. Ashton was keeping me sane. I did not have any more urges to kill myself even though this place made me feel sick. I hated being stuck in this building where you could hear people yelling and crying everyday. It was a very dreary place to be. I didn't understand how Ben and Ashton could have stayed in there for such a long time, they were even stronger than I thought they were.

My relationship with Ashton was only going for the best. There wasn't a single time where we fought or argued. Everything was so loving and perfect between us. There sure were days where I wished Ashton and I could have been on our own to be more intimate and close to each other. We were always surronded by other patients or by the staff. But I still was grateful that I got to see him everyday. I was happy to see his beautiful smile everyday, to hug him multiple times a day and to kiss him everytime I had the opportunity to. Ashton was my true love, I was one hundred percent convinced of that.

Today was a sad but happy day, mostly for Ashton. It was the day where he finally was allowed to leave Polar Inc. and go back to his normal life. He was finally going to be free. I was so happy for him, he deserved it. But I was going to miss having him by my side every single day of the week. But I knew it only was a matter of time until I also would be set free. Nothing could ever seperate us.

It's Ashton who was the saddest to leave. He didn't want to leave without me. He talked to the doctors and tried to convince them to let him stay until I would also be free, but they denied his wish. To be honnest, I thought that Ashton was scared to get back in the real world. He was afraid that his demons might get back to him, that wr would be weak again. But I knew he was going to be okay. The Ashton Irwin I knew was strong and courageous.

Ashton was going to stay with his parents until he would save enough money to buy or rent a place for himself. And when I would be done with school, I would move in with him and have the perfect life we were meant to have.Ashton wasn't happy to stay with them, but he did not have any other choice. It only was a matter of months until he would not have to talk to them ever again and that him and I would finally be together forever. I could not wait.

"I don't want to leave," Ashton said sadly as he finished packing his few belongings.

"Don't be sad Ash, it's a good day for you. You're finally free and soon, it will also be my turn," I replied as I took him in a hug.

"I'm going to miss seeing your pretty little face everyday," Ashton said.

"Me too, but hey? This isn't goodbye. We are going to see each other again soon baby," I mentionned.

"Yeah, I know. I'm just so scared, Luke. I'm afraid of the world out there. I'm afraid to break down again. I got used to having you with me to make me feel better and I'm afraid that being away from you will make me weak," he said.

"You will be okay Ashton. You'll need to be strong, not only for me but also for you. You're my warrior and you'll get through this. This is nothing compared to all the things you've been through. You are going to be just fine and I'll never be so far away. I'll always be in your heart or just a phonecall away," I replied.

"I love you so much Luke Hemmings," Ashton said.

"I love you even more, Ashton Irwin," I added.

I was about to kiss him when a nurse interupted our cute moment. That is what I was talking about when I said that Ashton and I never got our own intimity. There were always people around us, we never were on our own. 

"I'm sorry for disturbing you, but your parents are here, Mr. Irwin. It's time for you to go. We are all so proud of all the progress you've done while you were in here. We all hope you have an a amazing life. I'm going to give Mr. Hemmings and you a few minutes to say goodbye. I'll be back in a few to take you to your parents," she said.

Ashton and nodded and started crying, also making me cry. I could not help myself. Everytime I saw Ashton hurt, it hurt me twice more. That was what my love for him could do to me.

''I-I don't want to go. I'm so afraid of what my parents will s-say or do. Like... I haven't seen them in m-months. They'll p-probably think I'm a loser or something. They'll be ashamed that I'm their s-son,'' Ashton said.

''I understand that you're scared baby. B-But, you're going to be okay? I know you will be. If your parents ever c-cause you pain, just call me okay? I'll always be there for you, that's what I do best. I know that things are going to be alright for you,'' I replied.

''Okay, I hope that you are right Lukey. I'll call you everyday, I promise. If I don't, I-I'll miss you too much,'' Ashton added.

''You better do, because I'll miss you even more,'' I replied.

Ashton laughed; his laugh was the sweetest melody to me. I pressed my lips to his, kissing him tenderly. There was nothing passionnate about that kiss, it simply was the best type of kiss in my opinion: a sweet and tender one. I wished it could have last longer but of course, the nurse had to come back and put and end to it.

''It's time to go, Mr.Irwin,'' she said.

Ashton nodded gave me one last hug. He was shaking, he was a nervous wreck. I hugged him tighter, trying to calm him. I was worried, but I knew that Ashton was strong. It was just another step on his path to be perfectly fine. 

''I'll see you on Saturday,'' Ashton whispered in my ear

''I can't wait,'' I replied.

Ashton grabbed his suitcase and followed the nurse out of the room. He looked at me one last time before he was gone. I already was missing him, but I knew that I was going to hear the sound of his voice again soon and that I would see his pretty face again on the upcoming Saturday. It was just a small good bye. It never was going to be a farewell, I was not going to let that happen.

Saturday: my favorite day of the week. On that day, I met a timid and fragile boy who had no hopes and faith in life. On that day, I met a guy that intrigued me more than anybody else that I have met before. It's on a Saturday that I realized how amazing that boy was and how fast I got attached to him. It's on a Saturday that I found out that I had a massive crush on that timid boy. It's on a Saturday that I first kiss that boy and where our love story began.

A lot has happened since Ashton and I first met. He wasn't the vulnerable guy he used to be. He sure still had his downs, but he was way more confident and happier now. He was on his way to have the life he deserved. He didn't give up, he fought the best that he could. Ashton was my hero, a model to me. I was so proud of him. I was so proud to call him my boyfriend, to know that he was mine. And that feeling of pride was going to last for a lifetime. It was just the beginning.


	14. Chapter 14

Days were getting very long and boring without Ashton. I got so used to spend all of my days with him for weeks, and I could not do that anymore. Polar Inc. was empty without him. At least, we could talk on the phone everyday and he would visit me on Saturday. I barely talked to any other patiens in the unit. It's not that I hated them or that they were annoying, I just wasn't feeling like socializing with strangers. At least I had my brother Ben with who I would spend a few hours with every single day.

My parents still visited me at least once a week and I was happy that they did. I needed to know that there for me, in my ups and my downs. Things were back to normal and I was glad they were. I missed how our family used to be and we were going back there. My parents still tried to talk to Ben, but he wouldn't listen to them. It made my parents very sad, but they could not blame Ben. The only persons they could blame were themselves. I was the only person Ben would talk to because I was there when nobody else was.

I think that the fact that I was spening more time with Ben had some positive effects on his state. There were still moments where he would get all mad and agressive or where he would just start to speak in a very vulgar way, insulting pratically everyone that would cross his way. But, those cases were less numerous as they used to be. It felt good to see my brother getting better because all I ever wanted was for him to be happy. I hoped that he would stay on the right path once I would be out of the institute.

Everyday, I was hoping that the doctors would come into my room and tell me that I was finally free to leave this place. I could not wait for the day where I could run back to Ashton and where we could finally have the life that we wanted together. That day would be the real beginning of our fairy tale, our happy ever after that we deserved. We were going to have an amazing life together just the way it was supposed to be.

The only reason the doctors were not letting me go already was because they wanted to make sure that I wasn't going to relapse because Ashton was gone. They wanted to be certain that I didn't depend on him to be happy and to survive. Even though Ashton was sure helping me, I knew that I didn't depend on him. I felt strong, I knew I was not going to attempt again. I just had to wait for the doctors to think the same. I wasn't a danger to myself and it was pretty obvious. But doctors didn't want to take the risk.

As for Ashton, things were going okay for him. When he left, he was afraid that things were going to be horrible with his parents, that they were going to hate him. He was afraid that it would be hell at home. It turned out that his parents actually both apologized to him for their past behavior. They felt bad for abandoning Ashton when he needed them the most. They were sorry that they didn't visit him and that they did not pay as much attention to him as they should have had. They were sorry that they have been bad parents and they wanted to do everything in their power to make their son forgive them. Even though Ashton could not forget about the past, he decided to give them a chance to show him that they actually cared about him and loved him.

His parents were nice enough not to send him back to school. Ashton wasn't ready for this and their parents accepted it. They were going to home school him until the end of the school year so he could get his diploma. Ashton loved the idea, he did not want to go back to school and face the bullies. He wasn't ready for this yet. I was happy that things were going great for Ashton. He was back in the real life and was going one step at a time. He was doing fine, just like I knew he would. He always was going to be my warrior, until the end. 

Ashton told his parents about us and it actually made me feel amazing. It meant that what we had was real because you don't just go talk to your parents about someone you love when it doesn't mean anything. Ashton truly loved me and I truly loved him. There was one night where I called him and it was his mother who picked up the phone. We talked for a little while and she told me how grateful she was that I've been there for her son when she wasn't. She said that she could tell that Ashton and I were forever and that she could not wait to finally meet me. 

And I was going to meet her soon. Today was finally the day that I was released. The doctor came to my room during the morning and took me by surprise by saying that I was finally going to go back home and they called my parents to pick me up. I was ecstatic, I had been waiting for this moment since Ashton was released. Happily, I packed my bags with the few belongings I had with me. I was finally saying goodbye to this room. Unless it would be for visiting Ben, I was never going to come back. I was going to live and go through all the obstacles that life would put on my way. With the help of Ashton, I knew I could make it.

When my parents came to pick me up, they seemed so relieved and happy. They were glad that their baby boy was okay. They thanked God that I was still with them, they knew that I could have died that night.. Luckily, I didn't. I'm glad that my mother found me before it was too late because I would have missed so many things. We signed all of the papers officializing that I was free. My parents were finally going to take me back home so I could take a new beginning. But for the moment, it wasn't where I wanted to go.

Ashton didn't know that I was released and I wanted to surprise him. I knew his parents were gone for the weekend for a business trip. Plus, he gave me his adress the other day making me promise that I would go see him as soon as I would be free. I was going to keep my promise. Even though I was happy to be with my parents, Ashton was the only person I really wanted to be with at the moment. He was the only I wanted to hug and kiss. 

My parents didn't about my relationship with Ashton and it finally was the perfect timing to tell them. So I told everything that happened between Ashton and I from day one: how I was there for him during therapy and how we quickly became good friends. I told them how our friendship turned into romance and how he was the most important person to me in the whole world. I knew my parents weren't going to judge me since they already knew that I was gay, but I wasn't expecting them to be so happy for me, mostly my mother. She felt so much joy at the idea that her son might have found the love of his life. And I sure did.

I gave Ashton's adress to my parents so they could drive me there. My heart was beating so fast, I didn't know why I was so nervous. It probably was more excitement that nervousness. I could not wait for Ashton to open the door so I could see the look of happiness on his face. I could not wait to take him into my arms and kiss him. I could not wait for our new life to begin. After everything that we have been through, it was finally happening.

My parents dropped me at his house and told me to call them if I needed anything. I thanked them, I was glad that they were doing this for me. They understood how much Ashton meant to me. Ashton's house was kind of huge and sure looked good. But the only thing I wanted to see was inside of this house. I took a deep breath before knocking at the door all smiling. The door was going to open and reveal my adorable boyfriend. When thirty seconds passed without the door being opened, I knocked again. I was starting to get worried but I calmed down when I heard music coming from the inside. Ashton probably wasn't hearing me knocking.

I tried to open the door which, luckily, was not locked. I made my way into Ashton's house. I was glad that his parents were away for the week because they would probably have freaked out to see someone come into their house just like that. I followed the sound of the music that would lead me to Ashton. I went up the stairs until I stood in front of a closed door. Music was coming from that room, Ashton's room. I did not want to scare him so I decided to knock. When I did, the music suddenly stopped. 

''What the...,'' I heard Ashton say. 

When the door finally opened, I grabed Ashton's face into my hands and kissed him tenderly, taking him by surprise. It took him a few seconds before kissing back. When he did, I felt fireworks erupting from my stomach. This was the moments we have been waiting for, it was finally happening. We were finally going to be together forever, without being stuck in some depressing place. We were in the big world where our future was going to be all bright and perfect.

''Hey baby,'' I said as I broke the kiss.

''Lukey! You're free,'' Ashton replied.

''I sure am,'' I said happily, taking him into a hug. I was living for moments like those.

''I can't believe that you are really here. This is not a dream, this is all real,'' Ashton said. ''We're both out of this place, finally.''

''Yes, we are out. For good,'' I replied. ''I'm so happy Ashton, I'm so happy to be here with you right now.'' 

''And I'm never letting you go, never,'' Ashton said.

''I love you Ashton Irwin,'' I mentionned.

''I love you too, Luke Hemmings,'' he replied. He took me by the hand, leading me to his bed. 

For the rest of the afternoon, we just cuddled and kiss in his bed. For the first time since we got together, there was nobody around us. For the first time, it was only us. It was all about us. There was nobody around us to judge us, to interrupt us or to stop us. We were in our own little world, in our own little paradise. And things only were going to get better. 

''Luke?'' Ashton asked.

''Yes baby?'' I replied.

''Can you...'' he said timidly.

''Can I...?'' I wondered.

''Can you please make love to me?'' Ashton asked, taking me by surprise.

We've both been waiting for this moment. We've both been waiting for the time where we could be finally be intimate and be as close as possible from each other. That was what we really wanted. And I wanted this moment to be magic for the both of us.

I did not waste a second by getting on top of him and capturing his lips with mine once again. It wasn't just your regular tender kiss. It was turning into something passionnate, intimate. I needed him. His lips were so addictive, they were my favorite drug. I broke the kiss for a moment kissing him down his jaw to his neck which I attacked with sweet little kisses. I tenderly kiss every single spot of his neck until I reached spot that made a small moan escape from his mouth, making me smile. Just the sound of it was enough to turn me on even more. I kissed the spot again, bitting and sucking on it which made the beautiful noise escape his mouth once again. 

''You're so beautiful,'' I said.

''You're perfect Lukey, I need you, please,'' Ashton replied.

My lips found their way back to his. I couldn't get enough of his lips right now. Ashton stopped kissing me and pulled my shirt up and over my head before tossing it to the ground, him already being shirtless. He captured my lips back with his and I started rolling my hips against his, both our parents getting really tight. I just wanted to make him feel good. I fumbled with the zipper on his jeans, then finally got them undone and pushed them and his boxers down. Ashton gave me that look full of lust, only turning me on even more. He did the same to me, leaving us both naked, our bodies against each other. 

I kissed him from his neck down to his member. I slowly kissed and licked the tip of his already hard member gaining a little moan from him. I swear his moans were the biggest turn on. I licked him from base to tip before wrapping my mouth around him and sucking him all the way in.

''Fuck Lukey, this f-feels so good, ''Ashton said.

I went slow at first, paying special attention to his tip everytime I came back up. As Ashton tangled his fingers in my hair, I got the clue he wanted more. I quickned my movements, bobbing my head up and down. His grip in my hair became harder, he was truly enjoying this letting moans escape from his pretty little mouth. That's the only thing that I wanted, make him feel incredible things.

''Stop Lukey, or I-I'm going to come,'' Ashton begged. ''I-I need you.''

''Do you have stuff?'' I asked.

''Yeah, in the drawer next to the desk,'' he answered.

I got off of him, making my way to the drawer in which I found a condom and a little bottle of lube. I went back to Ashton, who was giving me this adorable loving look. How much I loved.

''Are you sure you want to do this?'' I wondered.

''Yes, there is nothing else I want right now. I love you,'' he answered. 

I nodded and lubed my fingers so I could prepare him. I wanted this to be the less painful as possible for Ashton. I didn't want to hurt him. I started with two fingers letting him adjust until I could started moving them. Ashton didn't have much reaction until I hit a specific spot inside of him that made him moan loudly.

''Feeling good?'' I teased.

''Yes, do this a-again Lukey,'' he replied.

I did as told, making Ashton moan again. He was so attractive and perfect. And he was all mine, forever. When I felt like I gave him enough preperation, I pulled out the fingers out of him and pulled my fingers out of him. I grabbed the condom ripping it open and rolling it onto my member. I needed Ashton and I could tell by the lust in his eyes that he needed me too. I picked up the bottle of lubebut Ashton quickly took it away from me. He teasingly smiled at me and poured some the liquid into his hand and stroked me, sliding it all over. This was simply amazing, all those feelings he was giving me.

''Stop baby or I-I won't last long,'' I said. Ashton took his hand away from my hard member. I pushed him back down and positioned myself correctly on top of him. I started to go in a couple of inches. I kept going until I was all the way in. I didn't move yet, letting Ashton adjust to me.

''Are you okay baby?'' I asked.

''Yes love, please move,'' he answered.

I smiled and leant down to kiss him. I slowly moved out and then pushed back in. All those feelings were amazing. Even though it wasn't Ashton's first time, he felt so tight around me. It was simply perfect. This wasn't just about sex, it was about making love to each other. Though I did not want to hurt him so I wasn't going at a fast speed. 

''Please go faster,''Ashton begged.

I did not need to be asked twice, I smile and started thrusting in faster, just like Ashton asked for. This was amazing, I've never felt so good in my entire life. There was nothing better than making love to the love of you life. 

''Mmmm fuck.'' Ashton moaned as I hit that one spot that got his whole body shivering. I kept hitting it over and over again, making him cry in pleasure everytime.

''You feel amazing, you're perfect,'' I said, breathing heavily.

''Fuck Luke, I love you so much,'' Ashton replied. 

I kept going faster, as I fast I could, attacking his neck with my lips. Ashton was a moaning mess, my moaning mess. He kissed every soft spots, making moan even more.

''I-I'm close Luke. Touch me please.'' he begged, breathing heavily. 

''Me too babe.'' I said as I felt that familiar feeling at the bottom of my stomach. I grabbed his hard member and flicked my wrist up and and down, bringing him to the edge.

''Mmm Luke,'' he whimpered desperately.

''T-together.'' I said in a husky voice. Two more thrusts into him and we were both climaxing, exploding in a fit of moans. I slid out of him smiling. He had the same smile on his face, we were both on Cloud nine.

''Wow,'' Ashton said.

''Amazing,'' I replied. 

''I love you, Luke,'' he mentionned.

''I love you too, Ashton,'' I replied.

And from that moment, I knew that everything was going to be okay for us. We were going to be able to count on each other until the end. He was my neverland and I was never going to let him go.


	15. Chapter 15

**4 years later**

They say that love was forever. Ashton and I were forever, it was always going to be just the two of us. Four beautiful years passed since Ashton and I were released from Polar Inc and we were stronger than we have ever been. We've been madly in love with each other for four long years. There wasn't a single where I doubted about my love for him. I knew that he was the love of my life and that I was going to grow old with him by my side. We were meant for each other, we knew it from the start. Ashton was my everything, my one true love. I was the luckiest guy in the entire world to have him by my side.

The first few months after we were both liberated from the institute were amazing. Ashton and I would see each other every single day, it was impossible for us to go a day without seeing each other because we were missing each other too much. We were finally able to be just the two of us and it was the best gift that life could have ever give us. On school days, we would see each other during the night. Most of the time, Ashton would come to my place and we would just talk and cuddle and he would have to leave. During the weekends, starting from Friday night until Sunday evening, I would go to Ashton's place so we could spend the entire weekend together. His parents were okay about this, they were just extremely happy to see their son enjoying his life and feeling good about himself.

I was glad that his parents loved me. When I first met Ashton, I hated his parents even though I didn't know them. I hated them for abandonning their son and being such bad parents, I just wanted to punch them and make them realize that their son needed them. In the end, they both changed for the best. They were now trying to do what was best for Ashton and they were always making sure he was okay because they were still filled with guilt. They were now good persons and I actually quite liked them, mostly her mother. She was always joking around or making cute comments about Ashton and I.

As for my parents, they simply adored Ashton since it was impossible not to. They were already considering him as their third son after they met for the first time. They loved everything about him, mostly his loving and caring personnality. My father liked him even more because they both loved hockey and had the same favorite team. My mother already pictured us getting married and adopting cute little babies so she could be a grandmother. I knew she was right. I knew that one day, all of this was going to come true. It was only the beginning, there were so many things our future was holding for Ashton and I.

Ashton and I were both doing fine emotionnaly. We didn't have any suicidal thoughts, both of just wanted to live. When we were sad, we would go to each other to talk. There wasn't any secret between us, we were each other's best cure when sadness hit us. Also, Ashton got rid of his bullimia and I was so proud of him. He was finally seeing all the beautiful things that I saw in him. He accepted his beautiful body, this body that I would have died for. Though, he still had to take some meds for his depression. He was at the lowest dosage because he was doing really fine. I knew that one day, he would be able to go on without taking any medication. 

That was how we spent the first six months of our life together, just always being with each and falling all over in love every day. One night, when Ashton and I were having dinner with both our parents, we made a huge announcement. We have both been saving money for this special day. We've been looking at the ads in the newspaper until we found exactly what we wanted. That night, we told our parents that Ashton and I were moving together in a cute little appartment in the downtown area of Sydney. Our parents had a better reaction than we expected them to have. They were all very supportive and told us that they would be there for us if we ever need anything or if we had financial problems. It was great to have their support.

When Ashton and I moved together, it was like a dream coming true. When I was younger, I always pictured myself getting my own place with the perfect guy for me. It was finally happening, I was moving in an appartment with Ashton Fletcher Irwin. I was going to live with the love of my life in our Neverland. We were going to create our own little world, our own little paradise. I knew this was going to be a fairytale, the most beautiful of them all. Ashton was my prince and I was his prince. We were the masters of our little kingdom. Nobody was going to ruin what we had. We were too strong for that.

Ashton and I decided to go to College together. Ashton decided to pursue a teaching degree while I opted for a law one. It wasn't music, but it still interested me much. Deep inside of me, I was still carying that dream that I would, one day, live from my music. A few weeks before the classes' beginning, Ashton and I received an amazing offer. During the summer, we recorded a few demos that we sent to some labels. Ashton and I were both singing while playing the guitar and we actually sounded pretty good. That night, we got a call from one of the biggest label of Australia. They wanted to sign Ashton and I. They were going to make our deepest dream come true.

As soon as we signed the contract, we started recording our first EP. We already had a bunch of songs that Ashton and I had composed. We recorded them and put our 5 favorite on that EP. Our dream was finally coming true. We were going to do music for a living, we were going to be musicians and share our talent to the world. The day our EP was released was also the day where Ashton and I were told that we were going on our first small tour. We were going to open for a much bigger band in different cities in Australia. It was a dream coming true. As long as you believed in them, dreams really do come true. And it was just the beginning.

On this first tour, nobody really knew about us since our EP was just released. Our songs were not playing on the radio yet. We were just the new artists, this new duo called Warriors. We didn't have a fanbase yet, but the public loved us. On every single city that we played at, we would be asked to play more songs. It felt amazing for both Ashton and I to hear them clap and cheer for us. It felt awesome to know that people appreciated our work. We were even suprised to hear some fans singing along to some of ours songs in the last shows of the tour. This was all real and it was still hard to believe. It was a dream I didn't even want to wake up from. I was doing music with the love of my life, I couldn't have asked for more.

We grew up in popularity very quickly. As soon as we ended the first tour, we went back on another one. We barely had time to spend with our families who were very supportive and happy for us. My mom, who never really encouraged me to pursue an artistic career, was probably our biggest fan. We spent a few days with them until we were back on the road to tour with a band that always inspired Ashton and I. We were going to tour with All Time Low. This time, many people knew who we were. Even though most of them were there to see All Time Low, we had many fans in every crowd we played for. Warriors was now part of the music industry, Ashton and I were artists.

A couple of years passed and everything was absolutely insane. The success our group was bigger than Ashton and I could have ever dreamed of. Not only did we kept touring in the country, we also released our first album. We were leaving the dream. I was leaving my dream with my boyfriend by my side. Everybody knew that we were in a relationship and we barely received any hateful comments about it. Our fans accepted us for what we were. Ashton and I got to be with each other every single day, playing music for the most dedicated fans in the entire world. We got to do what we wanted to do, we got to do what was making us feel alive and free. Who would have thought that we would have made it that far? 

Today was the first show of our American tour. We reached the point where we had so much success that we were able to have our own headline show in America. We were going to tour in a country that wasn't our for the first time ever. We have never left Australia until then. We had healined in Australia before, but going to America was a major step into our career. And I wanted that night to be amazing and memorable. It was the beginning of a new adventure or should I say, new adventures. 

When we got on the stage, the crowd errupted in screams and cheers. We were going to play in front of thousands of fans. I almost felt like crying knowing that these thousands fans actually payed to see us play for them. I wanted to cry even more when they were singing along to every single songs that we played that night. Every artist would say that their fans are the best, but it was clear that Ashton and I had the best. We had one song left to play, but it would have to wait for later.

''Thank you guys so much for coming tonight!'' I said. ''Before we play our last song, there is something I need to do.'' 

I gave my guitar to our tech guy who also went to grab Ashton's one. I took Ashton's hand in mine and lead us in the middle of the stage. I was nervous and shaking. I took a deep breath before I spoke again.

''Four years ago, I met this shy guy in an institute in Sydney. It was on a Saturday, a Saturday that I thought would be just like the previous ones. But it wasn't because that Saturday changed my life forever. I didn't know it at that time, but this guy was going to change my life. He was very sad and didn't have faith in life. I didn't know why, but I wanted to know more about him. So, I started visiting him once a week and we became friends. I quickly got attached to this guy. I wanted to bring a smile on his face, I needed to be there for him. I was always thinking about him. He was always on my mind and I always found myself missing him. I rapidly fell for him. I fell for his beautiful face, his incredible personnality and his remarkable courage. I fell in love with this guy, and he fell in love with me too. We had our ups and downs, but we made it through everything. Just like warriors, we fought every obstacle that life put on our path,'' I said.

Ashton gave me a confused look that made me smile even more.

''You changed my life for the best, Ashton. You're the best thing that has ever happen to me, you're simply perfect for me. You make me feel special and loved. You are the most extraordinary human being that I've ever met, you are amazing in every single way. Before I met you, I thought that I was happy but I wasn't. Since I met you, I've never been so happy. You make me feel good about myself. You are the reason why I wake up everyday, you're my world, my everything. You're perfect to me, you are my other half. I'm so happy that we get to live our dream together. I'm so happy that I get to be on stage with out, doing what we do best. I want to wake up with you by my side every morning. I want to make you feel loved every single second of your life. I want to hug you and kiss you until the day I die. I want to be with you forever. You're all I need to be happy. You're my angel, my light in the dark. I need you and I love you,'' I continued.

I grabbed a small box from my back pocket as I kneeled on the stage. I took a big breath and ended up what I've been wanting to do for months.

''I know that we are young, but I also know that you are the love of my life. There is no other person that I want to spend the rest of my life with but you. I want you and only you, forever. Life gave me the most beautiful gift by putting you on my path. Ashton Fletcher Irwin, tonight in front of our incredible fans, I'm asking you this. Will you marry me?'' I asked, making our fans cheer and clap.

Ashton nodded and dropped to his knees in front of me, so he could kiss me deeply. I kissed him back with as much enthusiasm. This was the best moment of my entire life. Ashton and I were going to get married. As we broke the kiss, I put the ring on Ashton's ring finger. We were both crying tears of joy, this was a moment that we were never going to forget. 

''I love you,'' Ashton said. ''I can't wait to spend the rest of my days with you. You're my everything.''

''I love you even more,'' I replied, kissing him again.

Our tech guy came back on the stage to give us our guitars. The crowd was still cheering for us. You could hear them yelling Lashton all over again, which turned out to be the name the fans had given us. I never was the one to love ship names, but this one, I adored it. Because there was nobody else who shipped Lashton harder than I did. 

''So, if it's okay with you, my fiancé and I are going to do one more song for you tonight,'' I said.

As we hit the first few notes, I knew that this is where I was meant to be. I always believed that nothing happened for a reason, that there was an explanation to why Ashton and I missed killing ourselves. And that reason was simple. Ashton and I were meant to spend our lives together. We were meant to share the stage and do music. We were meant to give each other as much love as possible. We were meant to live happily ever after.


End file.
